Shirtless Dude Gets Put To Sleep After Trying To Start A Fight On The Subway

Quite the cast of characters we have here:

1) The Weirdo

At the center of the whole drama we have the shirtless dude appropriately characterized as The Weirdo. Definitely shitfaced, and I like to imagine something white trashy in his system like meth or smack. If you’re shirtless on the subway there is a 1000% chance you should be wiped off the face of the earth.

2) Bike Man

Second to being shirtless on the subway is being the fucking dude with his BIKE on the subway. Oh let me just take up the space of like 45 people with my BICYCLE. Let me just take one form of short distance transportation and put it inside of this other form of short for transportation and move it over there! Hey bro! Why dont you just ride your bike wherever it is that you need to go!

Well the answer, KFC, is that sometimes you have Shirtless Weirdos coming at you on the subway and you need to defend yourself with the bike. You win this round, Bike Man.

3) The “No Bitch Assness” Guy

Make no mistake this dude was ready to throwdown and I have a sneaking suspicion he would have absolutely won. Cholo would have walloped that gringo and said something like “Arriba la raza!” afterwards

4) Universal Soldier

And ultimately none of those 3 men really end up mattering much, because Universal Soldier comes out of the fucking clouds with a Tazzmission and neutralizes the whole situation. Even did the Chris Jericho One Foot Pin on him:

This is what ever subway system everywhere needs. Like you know how we have an Air Marshal on every flight? Why cant we have one of these dudes on every subway car? I PROMISE you the number of World Star Subway Fights will drop by 100% if this dude is lurking ready to tuck you in for a nap if anything goes down. Hey MTA, why dont you take a few dollars from the BAZILLIONS you charge New Yorkers each month and hiring like 1,000 of these dudes?