Russell Wilson Not Just Using Canned Responses in Interviews Anymore, Tweets Ciara a Compliment Using a Google Searched "How To" Guide

PM #WCW I kissed her & she had honey sweet lips that were lilac soft w/ a loving & affectionate personality @Ciara pic.twitter.com/qwxXkfWnCK

— Russell Wilson (@DangeRussWilson) January 28, 2016

At first this was just a yawn. Not a surprise that Russell Wilson is spewing more flowery shit than a dog that got into chocolate and potpourri. Business as usual. Probably polishing his promise ring and reading Psalms over a vat of his concussion water too. But wait! There’s more! Turn out the internet is really good at finding out if you’re stealing material. If it’s not Amy Schumer for ripping off Patrice O’Neal then it’s Russell literally googling how to describe a good looking chick.

Now part of me wanted to like Russell Wilson a little for this at first. Writing emotional shit to chicks sucks. In middle school I once got a five page freaking novel from this chick and she expected something similar in return. I didn’t have much to say other than “thanks for the over the pants handies” and “if I have to write five pages I might just dump you and jerk off”. So a little bit of a guide or some outright plagiarism is to be expected in those circumstances. That’s relatable. But then I remembered that he’s the one looking for attention here, not Ciara. She didn’t make him do this. So if you’re gonna pretend to be a poet, you gotta dig a little deeper there, Russ. Go to page 2 of the google results or something man. Or just a simple @ciara with one of these bad boys:

We’ll get the message