He Died Doing What He Loved, Masturbating To Internet Porn

Detroit - A new level of distracted driving was reached when a 58-year-old man, allegedly preoccupied by a pornographic movie on his phone, crashed and rolled his vehicle. It happened at about 3:30 a.m. Sunday on the ramp from the Lodge to I-75 in Detroit, Michigan State Police told WWJ 950. Michigan State Police Lt. Mike Shaw said it’s the strangest thing he’s ever encountered on the roadway. “We see people putting on makeup, we see people doing different things as far as hygiene, as far as reading books, it’s almost to the fact there’s so much technology out there a lot of people are more paying attention to what they’re doing other than driving their cars,” Shaw said. The victim, who was behind the wheel of a 1996 Toyota, was thrown from the vehicle and died. He wasn’t wearing pants, police told FOX 2.

….while driving. Died while masturbating to internet porn while driving. Quite a way to go out. When it’s 3:30 am and you just have to scratch that itch. Road is pretty empty, pitch dark outside, you just pull up the YouPorn App, fire down those trousers and go to town you will go. So while the death sucks, at least he died the happiest he’ll be. Would love to know where he was at in the session though when the crash happened. Would be so depressing if he was still in the “click around to different thumbnails until you find something you like” stage of jerking off. Did he die just midstroke? That has to be the actual worst, because then they find you like that. Nobody wants to die midstroke. The two most obvious times are when he was finishing, and then that period of time afterwards when your brain is just mush meat. When you start feeling gross about yourself and you life an regretting shit. It’s probably more dangerous to operate a car during that time period than when you’ve had 8-15 Miller Lites.