A Guy Who Got Drunk And Tattooed An Elephant Around His Dick Has A Few Regrets
Mirror – A man got so drunk that he let his friend tattoo an elephant’s head around his penis on what they dubbed “tattoo Tuesdays”.
Builder Kieran and his pal Snowy have weekly tattoo sessions, and one night they took it a step further when he let his mate literally play noughts and crosses [ED. NOTE: Lolwhat?] on his penis.
That is just part of the problem which he took to to Channel 4’s Tattoo Fixers, where he revealed that it all went wrong with the elephant tattoo that he called “a mess”.
“One day after work, we had a few beers, a few too many and the tattoo gun comes out and that is where tattoo Tuesday started,” Kieran said.
An embarrassed Kieran sought help from the tattoo fixers, who actually refused to work on his piece of ‘art’.
[One] tattoo artist gave an outright no and wouldn’t touch his ‘trunk’, as she said: “I don’t do willies.”
[Eventually] they were able to help amend the offending tattoo, and replaced it with a skull, but he was told: “No more tattoo Tuesdays.”
Here’s a bigger version of the photo that’s a little NSFW. You came this far with your click, no reason not to delve deeper on a fat British dude’s pubis:
There are a lot of questions here obviously but I’m willing to even look past the big ones like “Why are you tattooing each other weekly and calling it Tattoo Tuesday?” and “Since when do reality show tattoo artists start having standards about whom they’ll help and whom they won’t?” and “Is a skull around your dick really an improvement? Like was any woman going to blow a dude with a skull around his dick but not an elephant? Come on” But what I can’t look past is: You’re having this weird tattoo session, you’re drunk, alright…no matter how weird that gets, why is your dick coming out and being drawn around in the first place? Even if I’m a big tattoo guy and used to having needles in the hands of drunk people touching me, my first instinct is to keep my dick safely tucked away at all times. Just sounds like Tattoo Tuesdays could have easily been Sexual Experimentation Sundays and we’re covering our tracks a bit here.
And isn’t there a much easier option here rather than worrying about the elephant at all: Grow your fucking pubes out dude. You’re a big fat bear of a guy, no one is expecting a Brazilian down there. Cover “Babar coming out of a cold lake” up with some pubic hair like an adult and quit your belly aching.
Anyway if you’re going to get a dick tattoo, this one that I remember from one of those Truly Tasteless Joke books I read as a little kid is the only acceptable option:
