The "Best" Move The Eagles Can Make Is Give OC Pat Schurmer A BS, Short-Term Contract And Franchise Sam Bradford

Yes. “Best”. And the quotes are there because this Schurmer/Bradford combo right now would be by far the best of a bad situation. The tallest midgets in this shitty circus. But hear me out on this.

Pat Schurmer is a (relatively) young guy at 50 who has already been around the block. He was the QB coach who first developed McNabb with the Eagles and was the OC for Bradford during his rookie of the year campaign in St. Louis. Yes, Schurmer had a disasterious run during his two years as HC of the Browns (9-23 while expected to develop rookie 3rd round pick Colt McCoy into Johnny freaking Unitas) – But who the fuck hasn’t? I’d argue that anyone who coaches in dysfunctional factory of sadness is set up for failure and probably deserves a second chance. Again, I point to Lord Belichick’s run with the Pats after his run with the Browns (only one playoff appearance while going 36-44 overall). Also, the players on this team LOVE Shurmer, grant him respect, and would like to see him get a chance. That on top of he wouldn’t ruffle feathers with the personal should be Jeffrey Luries wet cultural dream. Give him a short-term shot with his guy at QB and see if we can catch lightning in a bottle. What else would you rather do? Hire 70-year-old Tom Coughlin, who I respect to hell and back, to deal with this mess of a front office and transitional period? He doesn’t have the blood pressure to deal with this. Doug Pederson? The guy who has been hiding under Andy Reid’s gunt since ’99 and who NOBODY else is even sniffing at to be a head coaching candidate? That’s basically Howie Roseman telling me directly to go fuck my mother. There’s legit not a better option right now than Pat Schurmer, and for as bad as that sounds is, I’d much rather take a chance with him and Bradford for the sake of potential than essentially giving up hope before the season even starts. Or worse, hitching the wagon on someone we’re unsure of that’ll guarantee years of walking through shit.

As for Sammy Sleeves, he deserves to keep firing his bullets. There is so much AWFUL QB in the league that Bradford will be a sought after commodity. The last thing we need is for Bill O’Brien to pick up a QB with actual dick wrecking potential in Sam Bradford and turn him into a perennial Pro-Bowler. I’m not saying that’s possible with Bradford, but we still need to see if he can truly be our franchise guy. If anything else, who the FUCK else are we gonna put (now) under center that even has potential? I get it, yeah, I’d love to draft and develop a franchise quarterback, too. But it ain’t that easy, especially when there’s nobody out there. And I HATE the idea of putting a Band-Aid QB like Fitzpatrick in there for the short term solution to a long term problem. This is still extremely low-risk/high-reward with Sleeves. I’ve said again and again I think he is the guy. Give him another year to see if he can improve on his impressive play this season and become that Heisman winning, #1 overall gem. And I think it’s possible with the continuity Shurmer brings to the table.

If shit hits the fan in 2016 then, well, OK then. The Eagles did the best with the cards they were dealt the fucking situation they created and can look for a new coach with the fresh faces that’ll hit the market and whatever horse he wants taking his snaps.

Oh, and fire Billy Davis and bring in a young buck with potential and passion or a proven dick slinger at the cracker factory. NOT A FUCKING GUY WHO WAS ALREADY D-COORDINATOR IN TWO NFL SPOTS WITH BUDDING TALENT FOR MULTIPLE YEARS AND NEVER FINISHED HIGHER THAN THE TOP 2/3 IN TOTAL DEFENSE.

In reality, this team is toast until the real problems are addressed: Howie Roseman and Jeffrey Lurie. Until the front office is shaken up and a true blue talent evaluate is brought in at the top, expect some dark days in South Philly. And that makes my father, who didn’t even tear up at his mother’s funeral, cry himself to sleep at night. He, you, I – We all deserve better.

And I just wrote a thesis defending Pat fucking Shurmer basically begging for him to be the next head coach. Howie to me right now: