Barstool’s FA Cup Preview – The “Time to Buy a Powerball Ticket” Edition
Sam’s FA Cup Pick’em
Hey hi hello haters,
I just woke up from a two-day nap under a rock in a cave in the corner of my ma’s basement. Have I missed anything?
Awwww shit. So the entire Barstool universe seems to have suddenly gotten flipped-turned upside down thanks to our new corporate overlords – aka Portnoy’s bosses. Many of you will not doubt instinctively hate the impending evolution of the site, which is understandable since change is scary. On the plus side though, the internal shake-up (not to mention expansion) compounded by some combinatorial creative dissonance just might end up generating some serious entertainment. On the down side, the growth trajectory of Chicago sports franchises’ 50/50 raffles just got slashed overnight.
People have been coming up to me on the street left and right ever since the announcement and asking “So is all the money and fame from Barstool 2.0 going to change you? What about the power?” and my answer is always the same: Yeah, probably.
So before it does, let’s hurry up and take a real quick look at the most intriguing of the thousands of FA Cup games – okay, only 32, but it feels like a lot more – that are on deck this weekend…
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FA CUP
“Wait, wait, wait, what even is the FA Cup?” some of the n00bs in the audience might be wondering right now, which is a fair question to ask because I encourage you to think of this blog is your safe space to ask retarded questions like that without being judged by anybody other than me.
To answer your question, the FA Cup is only the longest-running and most prestigious annual tournament in club soccer. Specifically, it is structured using a single-elimination format and runs in parallel with the regular season schedule (including the far less important Capitol One [League] Cup). Just about every professional team in England and Wales – more than 700 to be exact – all the way from the Arsenal’s and Man City’s down to the Shrewsbury’s and Chelsea’s, and even local pub teams (in what’s appropriately called the “Extra Preliminary Round”), are given a chance to compete, which is why British announcers always wax lyrical about about the “magic of the FA Cup” as it is theoretically possible for a group of shlubs to beat an EPL team.
So that’s the background. I’ll spare you further extravagances as we are heading directly towards NFL Wildcard weekend and ain’t nobody got time to read [or write] a long-winded blog, especially since Aaron Rodgers and I have some game-planning to before Sunday’s game in which the Packers are primed to walk into Nate’s house and take a chunky diarrhea shit all over his soul (lock of the century).
But back to soccer. Here’s what the ridiculously long list of games looks like (including all the games that will be available to TV viewers):
Now I know what a lot of you are thinking right now, which aside from now somehow hating me even more for being a Packer fan likely involves casting aspersions at FOX for deciding to show a matchup like Doncaster/Stoke on FS2 rather than more appetizing options like Norwich/City or Southampton/Palace. You are not alone in questioning the rationale for this programming decision, but the fact is it is not actually FOX’s fault (for once) as the BBC decides which games will and won’t be shown and FOX simply piggybacks off their feed. Annoying? Yeah. Asinine? Likely. But it is what it is so no point in bitching about it.
PICKS OF THE WEEKEND
One thing to keep in mind going into the weekend is that there will inevitably be a lot of upsets in the next couple rounds – more even than you might otherwise expect – as the FA Cup is for some clubs their most important competition. Progressing in the competition, particularly if a wee club like Colchester or Eastleigh can survive long enough to play a game at Old Trafford or Emirates Stadium can serve as a massive windfall of profits that can (or at least should) be plowed back into the club.
What’s more, many of the smaller clubs are teeming with young, hungry players who view the FA Cup as their best opportunity to impress a big-swinging-dick club, thus greasing the wheels for a move up the non-corporate ladder. Finally, many EPL managers (particularly early on in the competition) use the competition to rest starters and give some reserve players a run out, increasing the unpredictability of outcomes. All this is to say that taking a flyer on a lottery ticket or two wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world this weekend.
Tottenham (-170)
Leicester (+450)
Draw (+330)
This is clearly the premier matchup of the weekend, and in fact is the first of two times Leicester will visit White Hart Lane in a span of four days, but I’ll say this now: losing Sunday’s game would not be the worst thing in the world for either club. Both have high aspirations for this season that a long run in the FA Cup could end up hindering. Main problem for Lester is the absence of Jamie Vardy, who has a groin injury that will likely keep him out of both of this week’s games. In the end, the combination of no Vardy and Spurs’ stout defense should prove too much for the mighty Foxes. Tottenham to win 2-1.
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Arsenal (-400)
Sunderland (+1000)
Draw (+500)
This is a big if, but IF Wenger plays something resembling a first-choice XI then Sunderland is Fed in the B. Keep an eye on the line-up when it comes out on Saturday morning though as there is at least a chance. But a chance doesn’t buy daddy some new snow tires. Arsenal to win 3-0.
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United (+1000)
Sheffield (-375)
Draw (+400)
If LVG loses this game, my guess is he gets canned before he gets back to the tunnel. Does that mean the club will rally around him? Welp, the genius has been on the hot seat for more than a month now and this is their recent form: L-L-L-L-D-W. Ouch, sooooooo let’s go with doubtful. Add to that the fact that Sheffield has a solid squad that is in good form (D-W-W-W-W-L).
UPSET WATCH: Thinking about splurging on a lottery ticket? This might be a good bet, assuming manager Nigel Adkins decides against resting players ahead of an important matchup with Wigan two days later. Draw wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world but sometimes you gotta live a little. Sheffield to win 1-0 followed by LVG’s head exploding.
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Other games: Exeter [+345] hosts whatever portion of Liverpool’s [-140] roster still has all its ligaments and tendons in good working order, which ain’t much, meaning the wee club may just have a chance. Probably not, fair enough, but you never know. Exeter to win 2-1. [Note: there’s a good chance this doesn’t publish in time for this pick to be of any use… apologies, but feel free to ask for advice on twitter if you’re itching for thoughts.] Speaking of possible lottery tickets, Chelsea [-500] host something called Scunthorpe [+1345], the latter of which is a sexy upset pick. In case you hadn’t heard, Oscar and Diego Costa apparently played an angry game of pattycake at practice this week, stoking fears that the club’s recent mini-resurgence could be primed for pooping out. In my estimation a little passion is just what the Blues need though. Chelsea to win 2-1.
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Lots of real football on TV this weekend, but FA Cup action should serve as a nice little appetizer. I’ll be back again next mid-week as the EPL gets back into the swing of things.
Holler,
Sam U. L. Army