Terrorists Have Filed A Lawsuit Against The CIA Because They Used To "Torture" Them By Playing 90s Boy Bands

(Source) – So it turns out some of the biggest and baddest men in the world were forced to admit the crimes they committed after being forced to listen to Westlife. According to a lawsuit filed against the CIA, the chirpy Irish boy band’s music was used to torture a man when America’s Central Intelligence Agency was interrogating in Afghanistan. Three former prisoners have filed the lawsuit against the two psychologists who designed and implemented the CIA’s torture techniques- James Mitchell and John Jessen. The controversial torture program, which included slamming prisoners into walls, stuffing them into coffin shaped boxes, depriving them of sleep, exposing them to high heats and chaining them into stress positions reportedly ended up causing the death of a former prisoner.

I’ll give you that all that putting them in coffins, sleep deprivation, extreme temperatures and stress positions stuff is some difficult business. You’ll get no argument from me there, that’s the business end of a freedom and it’s certainly not a good time. But you’re going to complain to me about Westlife? Fucking Westlife? Well then that’s how I know you’re a terrorist. Don’t even need all that fancy torture, I’ll just pop in “If I Let You Go” and turn the volume up to eleventy, if your head’s not bobbing then you’re the enemy, pal.

When Westlife came on at the middle school dance you knew you were about to grab some butt meat. That’s when it was time to slow it down and leave no room for the Holy Spirit. Get all up in that business and get aroused for the first time ever. Can’t respect something as American as a little, hairless boner on a basketball court turned dance floor? You’re a threat to this country, let me show you to the door.