Bieber Drops His Dick On America....Selena Suddenly Contracts Lupus

DM – Selena Gomez has spoken out for the first time about being diagnosed with the autoimmune disease lupus. In a candid interview with Billboard ahead of the Friday release of her second solo studio album Revival, the singer, 23, revealed she has undergone chemotherapy treatment to alleviate the symptoms of lupus. ‘That’s what my break was really about. I could’ve had a stroke,’ Gomez said of her time spent out of the spotlight after cancelling the Australian and Asian leg of her tour in December 2013. Internet speculation was rife about the reasons she bailed out of the concerts. ‘I wanted so badly to say, “You guys have no idea. I’m in chemotherapy. You’re a**holes”,’ she told Billboard. And while she finds it hard to trust new people, she credited Taylor Swift with helping her believe more in herself and in others.’Taylor makes me feel empowered,’ she said.  ‘The way she cares about women is so adamant. It’s pulling me out of my shell.’

Oh isn’t this cute? Bieber drops his monster hog on the world yesterday and 2 seconds later Selena is crying that she’s got Lupus. Well let me ask you this? Is one of the symptoms of Lupos craving the Bieb juice? Is it waking up at night in cold sweats thinking about getting stuffed? Is it trying to date gayballs like Zedd to forget about an alpha male? Because if it isn’t you don’t have Lupus you got a cold hard case of Bieber Fever. Ain’t no chemo gonna cure that honey. The only remedy for Bieber Fever is getting a little taste again. Getting your hands on that python. That’s it. That’s the only medicine. I don’t care what fairytales your little friend Taylor Swift tells you. I don’t care how many bedtime stories she reads to you. That dick is a weapon and you know it. Lupus my ass.

PS – I had to include this.  It just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t.