Francis is an Idiot

Let me get this out front by saying I know I'm not the smartest person here at Barstool. In fact, I consider myself part of the "Fucktard Four," which consists of me, White Sox Dave, Dana Beers, and Mintzy. I'm sure Francis is cooking up some 1,500-word blog that I have neither the time nor the desire to read because I'm on my way home to sunny Fort Lauderdale to sip a Pacifico with my nuts out while soaking in the Florida sun. There won't be any back-and-forth from me and Big Red. I love Francis; in fact, you could say I'm a fan. He doesn't know this, but I watch all his stand-up sets because he's so adept with words, truly a wizard with language. 

My favorite thing about Francis is his good heart; he's always the first to offer to put his card down for dinner, even if he's going to expense it, just to get the reward points. But he makes you feel like he'd do it regardless, and knowing him, he probably would. However, what we all witnessed on "Surviving Barstool" is a classic case of book smarts versus street smarts. Yes, Francis, you're right that puzzles are used as an intellectual test for kindergartners, but you don't build an empire by matching blocks; you do it by being a cold-blooded savage, which is exactly what our boss is. 

In the world of drug dealers, you've essentially handed over the product before getting the cash, and they've taken off. And to make matters worse, when Ria, a girl who you know is controlling the game, tells you she's OUT on getting rid of Dave and then advises you NOT to use your idol, I can't muster any sympathy for you. So while you're a genius, you've also shown yourself to be a complete moron. I thought I was watching Mintzy up there, not a Harvard graduate. I guess you live and learn, and hopefully, this is a lesson you'll never forget. Godspeed, brother.