Great News, New Yorkers: New York Has Finally Repealed a Law from 1907 That Makes Cheating on Your Spouse Illegal

AP - New York on Friday repealed a seldom-used, more than century-old law that made it a crime to cheat on your spouse — a misdemeanor that once could have landed adulterers in jail for three months.

Gov. Kathy Hochul signed a bill repealing the statute, which dates back to 1907 and has long been considered antiquated as well as difficult to enforce.

“While I’ve been fortunate to share a loving married life with my husband for 40 years — making it somewhat ironic for me to sign a bill decriminalizing adultery — I know that people often have complex relationships,” she said. “These matters should clearly be handled by these individuals and not our criminal justice system. Let’s take this silly, outdated statute off the books, once and for all.”

New York defined adultery as when a person “engages in sexual intercourse with another person at a time when he has a living spouse, or the other person has a living spouse.” The state’s law was first used a few weeks after it went into effect, according to a New York Times article, to arrest a married man and 25-year-old woman.

State Assemblymember Charles Lavine, sponsor of the bill, said about a dozen people have been charged under the law since the 1970s, and just five of those cases resulted in convictions.

“Laws are meant to protect our community and to serve as a deterrent to anti-social behavior. New York’s adultery law advanced neither purpose,” Lavine said in a statement Friday.

What an incredible development. Thank goodness. There's a lot of things I don't like about New York City. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off moving back to Ohio. But now that I'll be able to legally step out on my future wife and have sex with strange women under the pretense that I'll pitch Dave Portnoy their lifestyle & dating podcast, I don't see a single reason why we would leave. Thank you, New York. 

This is fantastic news for single folks as well. No longer do you have to worry that the person you had a one-night stand with a few weeks back was lying to you about their marital status, and that there could be a warrant out for your arrest. Which apparently is a thing that could technically (by way of law from 1907) have a happened up until a few days ago.

New York defined adultery as when a person “engages in sexual intercourse with another person at a time when he has a living spouse, or the other person has a living spouse.” The state’s law was first used a few weeks after it went into effect, according to a New York Times article, to arrest a married man and 25-year-old woman.

Jokes aside, I might not hate this law. Maybe we should have kept it. I think I see the vision. I see a world where it could potentially save some marriages. Clearly it shouldn't apply to people in open relationships, or couples who have an agreement in place where sleeping with a third-party is permissible in certain situations. Or to a single person who hooks up with a married person. But think about how a husband cheating on a wife in a traditional marriage typically plays out. The wife uncovers erotic text messages between her husband and his hot young Eastern European secretary. The husband admits to everything. They have a blowout fight. The husband says something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, but I'm a man. I have needs. Maybe if you spent less time sewing and more time letting me do anal, I wouldn't have to fuck Anastasia"

Then the wife tells him his dick doesn't work. Things of that nature. That's followed by months and months of animosity. There's a lot of apologies. A lot of "FUCK YOU!", "NO, FUCK YOU!" conversations. The wife considers filing for divorce. But in the end she doesn't (because of the kids). Plus she'd have to find a lawyer, do all that paperwork, explain everything to her Catholic parents, etc. It's a whole annoying, tedious process that nobody wants to go through. So the end it all just kinda fizzles out. Her husband essentially gets away with it, because it's easier for her to spend the rest of her life going through the motions of a trustless marriage where she resents her unfaithful partner than to pack up and restart her entire life.

But consider what happens if the husband is punished by law. The wife turns his cheating ass into the authorities. She proves beyond any reasonable doubt that he fucked Anastasia in the back of his Tesla. He's forced to spend 3 months in jail. That's a tangible punishment the husband has to face. The wife gets to feel as if justice was served. The husband won't live the rest of his life in shame, because he'll feel as if he's paid his debt to his spouse/society. A tangible punishment by law could provide them both with the closure they need to move forward with their lives, without this giant elephant-in-the-room of an incident permanently hanging over their heads.

Although, on the other hand... it might be more realistic that a wife sending her husband to literal jail... causing him to lose his job... putting their family in financial distress... I can see how that would only lead to WAY more of a deep-seeded resentment, and burning hatred from the husbands perspective. He'd likely just spend 3 months in jail seething mad. Getting angrier and angrier at the fact that his wife would do this to their family. He'd start talking to his cellmates, who would plant a whole mess of fucked up ideas in his head. Then he comes out of jail a hardened, violent criminal. Now the whole family is in danger. That's not good.

Just in general... a husband or wife having the ability to send their significant other to jail for cheating sounds like a slope more slippery than the one Jay Leno went tumbling down outside of a Hampton Inn in rural Pennsylvania. 

I mean what exactly constitutes cheating? Do you only get 3 months for full-penetration? What's the sentence for a blow job? What about DM's on Instagram? What if the couple does have an open relationship, but then the husband gets pissed because his wife hooked up with someone he hates. So he decides to turn his wife in for cheating, and lies to the court about the terms of their marriage just to fuck her over. That's probably not a road you want to leave open for anybody to go down.

So I guess it's a good thing this law was repealed. Not that it was being enforced anymore anyways. But divorce court is ugly enough in its own right. We don't need "Cheating Court" of top of it. Unless Steve Harvey is willing to reside as judge over all cases, and all trials can be aired live on daytime television.

In that case, the entertainment would obviously be worth it. However, assuming Steve Harvey doesn't want to take on a second judge job, we should probably just stick to couples therapy. But if you're living in New York, cheat aways ladies and gentlemen. Your spouse still might murder you. Or take half of what you own. But you're no longer under the barely real threat of a misdemeanor based on a law from well over a century ago.