The Saddest Stats Of NFL Week 12
We head into Thanksgiving week with much to be thankful for. There will be a next year. Another chance for glory. While things might be tough right now, like they always have been and probably always will be, there's still a chance things can turn around for our sad football franchises.
Just look at the Lions and how far they've come. First back-to-back ten win season in their 95-year history. The epitome of a hapless franchise. And this absolute bottom-barrel team has monopolized Thanksgiving screen time every year for decades on decades. And finally, they are not only a somebody, but the favorite to win the Super Bowl. So just remember that fellow Bears fans while the Lions disassemble us in the early slot.
Then again. Nothing is guaranteed. Except how shitty we are now. Here are your sad stats for NFL Week 12.
Sad Stat #1 - Cairo Santos is only the second player on record to have back-to-back field goal attempts blocked
Data on hand only goes back to 1998 for end of drive results, so it's likely there are others lost in data prehistory. But this was a tough look for a Cairo. The book is absolutely out on this guy kicking the lowest field goal possible. Even his made kicks are going only half-way up the uprights.
So who's the other guy? Steve Christie. Week 16, 2000 for the Bills. Only his happened in one game which sort of gives him an out. One could say he just went against a ferocious defensive line. Cairo sadly can't even make that sad argument. Two different teams had his number. I'm not sure what the answer is for him to kick higher field goals but Jesus, maybe ditch the youth sized jock strap. Give those legs a little more room to swing. And the boys.
Sad Stat #2 - The Carolina Panthers are now the only active team to never win ten games in back-to-back seasons
Corporate needs you to find the missing team. Can you figure it out and report it to the CEO? Oh yeah, the CEO is David Tepper.
What team is missing???
That's right. Back-to-back back-to-back stats. The Lions finally got of the snide in never having back-to-back ten win seasons which is absolutely crazy considering they've been an franchise since 1930. Even in their glory days of the 50's they never pulled this off.
Well, Carolina. At least you've only been a franchise since 1995. Had you started it off right you'd have filled that little gap there in 1996. For reference (as the lines are a little hard to make out) the Jets last did this in 1986, Browns in 1988 and Washington in 1991.
Sad Stat #3 - Kyle Shanahan and the 49ers went back-to-back 12-men on the field penalties
Getting a little carried away with back-to-back stats here, but getting caught not knowing how to count two times in a row is always a sad look. I'd still love to see a team try 13-men on the field. I refuse to look up the actual rule verbiage, because I know it will refute my take. But I'd love to think it's specific to "12-men on the field". Give 13 a whirl, Kyle. What the hell?
Sad Stat #4 - I estimated the odds the Commanders coming back to score a touchdown with :33 left on their own 14-yard line to score only to then miss the extra point to be 1922:1
A wild final few minutes of the Commanders / Cowboys. I tracked down 77 times in the last quarter century a team was down one score and started a drive more than 85 yards away with 30-45 seconds left to get a rough comp for their situation on Sunday. Only one of which ended up scoring. That's a 1.29% chance of happening alone. But then came the extra point miss. Or, if you're a social media intern at the Athletic, the field goal. Looking back at the last couple years, roughly four percent of extra points were missed. This leaves us with a simple math equation of (.013 * .04)*100 (.052%), or roughly 1922:1. For parlay betters - I believe that'd be like placing a bet at +192,200.
Sad Stat #5 - Commanders/Cowboys set a record for most points in final 3:06 (41)
I guess this isn't really that sad of a stat unless you're a Commanders fan who was told at the 3:06 mark that their team would end the game with 26 points. How could that possibly lose?
I went back to the books to find the comps and this outduels the prior record for most points in a game in the final 3:06 by five. Minnesota/Baltimore in Week 14, 2013. A very similarly hilarious story arc of some over better making a deal with the betting gods with just a few minutes left.
Sad stat #6 - There's never been a team to give up an onside kick and another team to give up a fake punt for a first down in the same week until last Sunday
At least according to my data. Sunday was just the day of the sasquatch plays caught in the wild. We also had at least two blocked field goals, and a blocked punt. I almost thought we were in for the impossible 6-1 play for a minute. I poked around a little to see any comparable weeks and found that in Week 13, 2002 there were five blocked field goals, three punt blocks and a fake fourth down conversion. But no onside recovery. And no 6-1 play. One day. One day we'll get the sasquatch of all sasquatches.
Honorable mentions:
Sad "field goal is good… but dropped right on my head"
Sad "field goal is good… wait no it's not"
Sad "field goal is good… but took a Nikon 800mm to the boys" (last week, don't care)
Catch up on last week's sad stats: