Brandon Johnson Is Worse Than Shane Waldron
I know we don't do politics here so I'll avoid that the best I can. But same time I have to follow up on a story from earlier this month about Brandon Johnson announcing a Carl Pavano deal to save the city finances. Maybe the worst move since hiring Shane Waldron.
It was laughed at tremendously by the public but today we finally saw that it got voted down 50-0 like UCONN taking the floor against my Illini in the Elite 8. Just absolute domination start to finish without a fuckin shred of hope along the way. An emasculating and humiliating run of historical proportions that, quite frankly, we very well may never see again.
That's exactly how I feel about Brandon Johnson getting taken to the woodshed on his tax hike. SEASON'S OVER BUDDY. Just pack it up and go home to the recruiting trail.
And I'm obviously a huge Illini guy so this one's a hard analogy but I honestly can't think of a more apt description for losing the most corrupt council vote in American democracy 50-0.
Fifty nothing.
FIFTY.
And probably most impressive is that nobody in this city can agree on anything except how much Brandon Johnson blows. Maybe in that case he's actually a good mayor because he's bringing us together. Like how Bear Bryant used to starve his players during summer camp and turn the hose water off. They hated his guts but they hated him together, thus becoming a better team and capable of winning national championships.
Maybe that's what Brandon Johnson has in store for us as a collective population of people. We start on some basic things like whether $300M is an appropriate tax raise to fund studies on institutional intolerance. Then we slowly build into more complex things like whether you can get cheese on an Italian beef or if deep dish really is the best pizza in the city. Next thing you know we'll be cleaning up the Jane Byrne exchange and thinning out the traffic herd that prevents access to Lake Shore Drive.
There's really a lot of progress to come from losing a city council vote 50-0. And I couldn't think of a better time with the White Sox set to leave for Nashville and all this Comcast/Chicago Sports Network bullshit about streaming rights. There's a lot of hot topic sports issues that we need to iron out and this could be a step in the right direction. All because Brandon Johnson is willing to sacrifice himself in order to unite everybody else.
Maybe that's an aggressive interpretation and maybe I'm over my skis here. But I also didn't just lose a personal vote my city council 50-0 so give me some grace. It could be so much worse.
Next order of business: Bring back White Hens and stop all northside bakery closures. Enough is enough. One day we'll wake up to no coffee cake and you'll think Carl saw this one coming a long time ago. So let's avoid that please.
But first one more time: Fifty nothing.