The Dolphins Suck But At Least We're Not The Jets

I’ll be the first to admit it—the Dolphins suck. But at least we suck with Snoop Huntley and Tim Boyle at quarterback. The Jets, on the other hand, found a way to suck with a Hall of Fame, booger-eating quarterback in Aaron Rodgers. And Jets fans, listen—I truly despise every single one of you, but I do feel for you. I know what it’s like to have two stud wide receivers, a great running back, an excellent secondary, a solid defensive line, and a dog-shit offensive line. We’re basically the same—you and I. We both get our hopes up every year just to have our teams shit down our throats.  

But here’s the difference: we don’t have a Hall of Fame quarterback—you do. I’ve been depressed all day thinking about the Dolphins' dumpster fire against the Colts, but my God, how did you guys even open your eyes this morning? Everyone likes to point at the Dolphins as the league's laughingstock, but the biggest joke in the NFL? It’s you.

How is it even possible that a team with Aaron Rodgers, Davante Adams, Garrett Wilson, Breece Hall, Sauce Gardner, Quinnen Williams, and a stack of other talent is sitting at 2-4, with no sense of direction? I’ll give your owner credit for firing a head coach who couldn’t get it done—maybe the Dolphins will follow that example—but even after the shake-up, you still can’t get it together.  

And to make matters worse, with all the offseason hype, the NFL keeps shoving your god-awful team into prime-time games for the entire country to suffer through. I don’t blame Klemmer for his comments. I’ve been in those shoes more times than I care to count. When you’re forced to watch shitty football week after week, it absolutely makes you resent the game. Trust me—I know the feeling.

To my uncle and Jets fans across the country: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for somehow finding a way to be worse than my Miami Dolphins.

J-E-T-S SUCK SUCK SUCK!