Just Clean My Fucking Room

Short one…

I just checked into a hotel in London about an hour ago.

I will be here for three nights, and the hotel employee at the front desk asked if I would like my room cleaned daily. 

I’ve been asked the same question at other hotels… No matter where I stay, that same question is always asked under the guise of the hotel (and its guests) being conscious of the environment, which is absolute bullshit. But since our society seems to thrive on elaborate excuses instead of impeccable service, a couple of fellow travelers in front of me in line opted out of room cleaning and then walked to the elevator like they had done a good deed. 

As I mentioned above, when it was my turn up to bat, the receptionist asked if I wanted to skip daily housekeeping to save the world, and I asked her right back, “Isn’t housekeeping included in the price of my room?” 

She answered, “Yes.”

So I followed up with another question- “So do you knock something off of my bill because I am skipping the cleaning crew?”

She answered, “No… But since you would be giving up 3 cleaning services during your stay, we would give you two free bottles of wine.”

Alright… Now she is kinda speaking my language… I don't care about environmental issues, so I would never skip the services because I care about the earth. However, there is a chance I'd skip it because I continue not to care about my own liver. 

I asked to see the wine they were offering in return for showering with soiled towels, and then politely declined the 'no-clean option' once again after seeing the cheap bottles of horse piss they were giving out.

Fuck the environment… I need a lot of towels because I'll be beating off until I shoot dust.

Take a report.

-Large