A Philly Man Pleads Guilty to Making Bomb Threats Just to Get Back at Guys He Beefed with in His Fantasy League

You don't have to have been in the United States long to pick up on this. You could have just arrived from some foreign land. Or landed here from your alien world. Or traveled here through spacetime from another dimension. And it would take you no time at all to figure out what Americans have known for over a century of pro football:

They just do things different in Philadelphia:

Source - United States Attorney Jacqueline C. Romero announced that Matthew Gabriel, 25, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, pleaded guilty before United States District Court Judge Timothy J. Savage to two counts of interstate and foreign communication of a threat to injure.

According to the guilty plea agreement, the defendant had an online disagreement with a member of his fantasy football chat group. Gabriel learned that the member with whom he had a disagreement was going to study abroad in Norway in August of 2023 [and] submitted an anonymous “tip” through the internet to the Norwegian Police Security Service ... claiming that a member of his fantasy football chat group was going to carry out a mass shooting in Norway:

On August 15th a man named [Victim 1] is headed around oslo and has a shooting planned with multiple people on his side involved. they plan to take as many as they can at a concert and then head to a department store. I don’t know any more people then that, I just can’t have random people dying on my conscience. he plans to arrive there unarmed spend a couple days normal and then execute the attack. please be ready. he is around a 5 foot 7 read head coming from America, on the 10th or 11th I believe. he should have weapons with him. please be careful. ...

Then, on March 22, 2024, the defendant ... sent an email posing as another individual to the University of Iowa with the subject line “Possible Threat.” The email stated:

Hello, I saw this in a group chat I’m in and just want to make sure everyone is safe and fine. I don’t want anything bad to happen to any body. Thank you. A man named [PERSON 1] from I believe Nebraska sent this, and I want to make sure that it is a joke and no one will get hurt.

The email then contained a screenshot from the fantasy football group of a message that stated “Hello University of Iowa a man named [Victim 1] told me he was gonna blow up the school.”...

Despite knowing that there was no actual threat to the University of Iowa, the defendant transmitted the email knowing that the University of Iowa would view it as a true threat.

“While already being prosecuted for one hoax threat spurred by, of all things, his fantasy football league, Matthew Gabriel inexplicably decided to send another,” said U.S. Attorney Romero. ... “Hoax threats aren’t a joke or protected speech, they’re a crime. My advice to keyboard warriors who’d like to avoid federal charges: always think of the potential consequences before you hit ‘post’ or ‘send.’” 

Yeah, you can spare us the lectures, US Attorney Romero. Which is to say, you can spare the football fans of Philadelphia the lectures. With them, you can sip from a big mug of STFU, because your words are falling on deaf ears with the Matthew Gabriels of this world. 

At 25 years of age, Gabriel has seen it all. The Eagles win a Super Bowl on a trick play that should've been flagged as the illegal formation it was. He's seen them lose a Super Bowl on an equally terrible defensive holding penalty. This is a man who's been to the highest heights and the deepest depths. That will do things to a man that nothing, not international and federal laws, or common sense or simply human decency will deter. 

Besides, it's not like these bomb threat hoaxes were done for no reason. This wasn't just some family quarrel, love triangle or property dispute between neighbors. This is Fantasy Football we're talking about. The greatest cause of all. You can't have beefs in your chat group simply go unaddressed. Not if you want to live in a proper country. Who knows what kind of insults were hurled his way? Suppose Victim 1 had talked shit during the 2022 season about Victim 1 benching a running back who went off with a 100-yard, 3 touchdown game or something? What if Gabriel made a trade with Victim 1 that blew up in his face and was taking all kinds of grief about it in the chat? Imagine Victim 1 smoking him in a head-to-head matchup and wouldn't shut up about it? I'm not trying to victim shame here. I'm just saying that if you're going to join a Fantasy league with Matthew Gabriel, you are entering the arena. There are no rules. It's Thunderdome. Two Fantasy geeks enter, only one leaves. 

To be clear, that is good advice the Attorney gave. At the risk of coming across as preachy, I'm decidedly anti-Bomb Threat. I believe I've made my position on this issue crystal clear. One should, in fact, "think of the potential consequences before you hit ‘post’ or ‘send.'" And then not do that thing, no matter how hilarious it may sound in your head. 

Fantasy football shenanigans are suppose cheeky and fun. Fantasy football shenanigans that create international incidents and security alerts on college campuses are cruel and tragic. Which makes them not shenanigans at all.

I say this as someone who's been in the same Fantasy league with more or less the same group of guys since the mid-1980s. I am not making that up. You Gen Zs think you invented it, but you were decades too late. We used to do our scores out of the box scores in the Monday sports page long before it was done online. And long before most of you were born. And I've seen friendships almost end over allegations of sketchy dealing and underhanded trades. So it's with that moral authority I'm recommending you do not report fake terror threats, no matter how deserving the people in your league may be. 

Except for you Matthew Gabriels. No matter what I or the FBI says, Philly Guys are gonna Philly Guy.