I Once Predicted I'd Be Bigger Than Alex Cooper. I Think I May Have Been Wrong

With the news today that Alex Cooper is signing with Sirius for a whopping $125 million, I decided it would be a good time to assess a prediction I made 5 years ago that is not aging particularly well. Let's rewind to August of 2019. Call Her Daddy was still part of Barstool and in the middle of a contract/everything dispute with Dave and Barstool, and somehow I got stuck in the middle of it. They refused to give me the makeover they once promised me, claiming that they "hated me" and were "repulsed by me" and "couldn't stand to be around me." Classic banter. So on Barstool Radio later that day, Dave talked about the conversation he had with them where they trashed me. Here's the full clip. 

But the highlight comes at the end of that which you can see in the video I made at the top of blog. After Dave claimed he would drown me in a pond in order to save Call Her Daddy due to how much more valuable they were to the company than me, I made a bold proclamation. I said that one day I would surpass Call Her Daddy and become more successful than them. It might not be the next day or the day after that, but maybe 20 years down the line I'd finally catch them. 

Well it's been about 5 years since I said that, and I'm ready to admit I may have been wrong. I still have 15 years to catch up and prove my prediction right, but at this point I'm going to put my hand up and admit that Coop has taken an absolutely massive lead with no signs of slowing down. There's the classic example of the tortoise and the hare, but unfortunately in this scenario the hare hasn't taken a break and is instead continuing to run at warp speed. The hare is getting even faster as the race goes on and appears to be on steroids of some sort. The tortoise, meanwhile, went on PlanBri yesterday and literally begged for people to follow him on Instagram. 

Let's do a little tale of the tape between me and Alex to see how this competition is going. 

Net Worth

Alex got $50 million from Spotify and now $125 million from Sirius. That's a grand total of $175 million without factoring other endorsement deals she's likely made money on. Without getting too into detail about my salary or the amount of money I have in my bank account, I can comfortably say that is roughly, for rounding purposes, about $175 million more than me. Point Alex. 

Social Media Following

After doing some calculations, Alex has about 5.6 million followers between Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. I have about 600,000. So while this difference isn't quite as stark as our net worths, she still has a lead of about 5 million people. 

Recent Opportunities

Alex recently got to host Olympics coverage on Peacock. Pretty cool. Today, Meek Phil put an iPhone in my face and asked if I knew who led the Toronto Blue Jays in strikeouts in 2018. A close one, but I'll give the edge to Alex here. 

Loyalty 

Alex has become a friend of mine and even endorsed me for the Forbes 30 Under 30 list last year. 

So I don't want to bad mouth her in any way. But the haters may point out that she's now had 3 different jobs in the past 4 years. Barstool, Spotify, and now Sirius. Is this a sign that she "can't hold onto a job"? I wouldn't go that far, but the argument could be made. Ole Tommy meanwhile? Still here grinding away at Barstool! Still loyal to Dave and the stool and the stars! Now is it true that no other company has ever even tried to contact me in any way and I have an utter lack of options outside of this fantasy land? Perhaps one could argue that may be the case. But even if they did, I would never leave because I love this place too much!

Rap Career

As far as I know, Alex has not released any rap songs. Me? Four of them now available on Spotify! 

Now would it shock me if she somehow ends up a track with Drake in the future? No. No it would not. But until then, advantage for Smokes!

Forbes 30 Under 30 List

Not only has Alex made this list, she also then graduated to being on the board of people that decide on who makes it. I did an entire Smokes Show season last year trying to make the list, and never even came close to sniffing it. Another point for AC. 

Personal Life

Let's put career aside though and instead focus on life outside of the public eye. The things that really matter and make a person happy. Well, Alex recently got married and appears to be in a happy, loving relationship with an extremely handsome and successful man. I currently have 3 Hinge matches. 

I could keep going on this tale of the tape, but unfortunately that may lead to me spiraling into a deep pit of depression and self-loathing. So I'll stop here! Right now, I can admit that Alex Cooper is a tad more successful than I am. If it's halftime of a football game, she's up about 124-3 and just recovered her own onside kick to start the second half. But there's a lot of ballgame left. I will blog again in 2039 (I'll still be here. Loyalty) after the full 20 years have completed and we can reassess.