I Think I Want To Fuck Nate

First off, Happy Gay Pride Month to all who celebrate. And for those who are infuriated by it, at least this month is flying by like a freshly shot load from a rock-hard wedding dick.  

(I wish this were the gayest sentence in this blog, but unfortunately, it’s not even close.)

Several people at Barstool have been on health kicks lately... Frank the Tank is probably the most visible as he sheds pounds walking around with celebs. 

TJ Hitchings has documented his diet and exercise journey on social, and he looks fantastic. 

Devlin went from looking like your average Comic-Con attendant to looking like your just-below-average comic-book superhero… All in about a year’s time. 

Mintzy has been working out steadily for the past year as an attempt to redirect his compulsion to say the worst things humanly possible on an open mic. 

I, myself, have slowed down on the drinking and sped up on the cocaine since not being able to fit into a stock car last fall with Dale Earnhardt Jr.  

It is almost a year later, and I can say that although I am still “obese”, I can finally fit under an umbrella again… Although my freakish height still limits most umbrellas' ability to keep me dry only from my tits up. 

But there’s another dynamic content producer who has quietly got himself into what I would guess is the best shape of his life, and it’s none other than Eric Nathan, AKA "Nate Dog". 

Here’s a video of the Dog at the Pound… 

If you study the clip above, you can watch this formerly unattractive-but-delightful imp engaging his core, blasting his quads, and doing a host of other gym terms I am not familiar with… All to put himself in the unlikely situation where he does not die alone. I not only applaud him but want him to know that he is now on my Top 10 List Of Male Barstool Employees (former or current) That I Would Make Sweet Love To If I Ever Had The Courage To Follow My Desires. 

He replaces Mantis at number 5, but I think my latent desire for Mantis stemmed from my childhood fascination with Donatello from TMNT. Either way, Nate now sits in front of Mantis and behind Clem, whose soft lips, hairless genitals, and natural musk has him firmly planted as my number four FOUREVER. 

The rest of the list (1-3 and 7-10) is on my OnlyFans for curious people with a valid credit card… But here's a clue as to who is my #1 with a bullet…

Congrats, Nate… Keep it up, and one day I might suck it. 

(Now THAT’S the gayest thing I ever wrote.)

Take a report.

-Large