A Catholic Priest In Philly Used The Church Credit Card To Spend $40,000 On Candy Crush And Mario Kart

A Catholic priest in Pottstown improperly used a parish credit card to fund his addiction to cell phone games like Candy Crush and Mario Kart, racking up more than $40,000 in expenses over the course of three years, according to prosecutors in Chester County.

Low key kind of minor for a Priest, no? Pretty irrelevant crime considering the profession. We've got Clergymen running wild through the streets committing heinous acts, and we're all hung up on someone who got hung up on a tough level on Candy Crush? 

But in all honesty, I don't care if he were a Priest or a car salesmen, how the fuck do you spend $40,000 on phone games? Forget locking him up for robbing the church, throw his ass in jail for being a psycho. I don't think I've played a phone game since I was 13 years old, trying to unroll the toilet paper as fast as possible on my iPod touch as I took a shit. Then I found out what boobs were, and my phone game playing days took a short 5 year hiatus until I got to college, passing time in class with Paper Toss, Angry Birds, and Fun Run. And then I found out going to class was for the birds, and I've since hung up the thumbs. Not this 51 year old though, who literally stole 40K to help him move on to the next level in Candy Crush. I'm guess not surprised though....I know these games prey on kids with their parents' credit cards. So it sort of makes sense that their tactics also work on a Priest....

Anyways, be upset he stole from the church if you want, but get your facts straight when accusing him of funding his gambling addiction. Sure he was playing "Willy Wonka slots" according to the police report, but the affidavit makes it very clear that the game does not even return real money,....

He said the money was not spent on gambling, but rather to 'power up'.

What a quote. He was spending thousands to get a leg up in his ability to get back meaningless tokens. The man just wanted a couple extra red shells around Luigi when playing at Rainbow Road! So how mad can the church really be? Besides, the story says that in total, he spent $214,000 on phone games.....and only $44,000 were charged to the Parish card! This motherfucker spent 170K of his own money. And I'm sure that if he had that extra 44K, he'd have used that too.

** Play Candy Crush responsibly, folks.