Working Out Is...Good For You?
Listen ya'll, I don't know how long this will last. I'm notorious for getting fucking PUMPED to change my shit around and get my life in order, only for it to all come crashing down like 4 days later when my depression notices I've been getting along to well. I've said it enough times now - the winter is NOT my thing. I love walking, but I also happen to be a little pussy baby back bitch about doing anything outdoors when its below 65 degrees. My ears get cold, I get a migraine, and it's all over. As its still miserable in this never ending hellscape, I had to do something drastic - buy myself a new clothes hanger treadmill.
"But Kelly, you live in a one bedroom apartment! It's bigger than any other place you've lived, but still somehow you have never been able to put all of your clothes away at once! How do you have the storage for this massive machine?" HA HA! You think I didn't do my research? You think I didn't spend a whopping 15 minutes on Amazon going back and forth on whether or not I was going to purchase the most cliche, notoriously abandoned piece workout equipment in the world? WRONG AGAIN! I found out that not only do they make treadmills that exist for walking only, but that you can FOLD THEM UP. My new best friend can fit beautifully underneath my couch. Sure, I never used the space below my couch for storage before because it's white trash, but times are changing in the Keegan house. We're going to make an effort to try this thing they call, "exercise."
This morning, I woke up and got right to work. I threw on my Peter Thomas Roth 24K Gold Pure Luxury Lift & Firm Hydra-Gel Eye Patches, filled up my water bottle, and started walking. 1.5 miles on 2.5 speed, singing along to Taylor Swift and "Toes" by Zach Brown Band thanks to this clip from Sas and Rone. Turns out it....makes you feel good? Dare I say, great? Who knew!!! Why hasn't anyone suggested this to me before?? Not a single person on this earth has ever mentioned it. Shocking, really! I'm in such a good mood now that I was clapping and singing along with the Mariachi band on the subway to work. That statement alone should be enough to convince you that this fabled "working out" is the real deal.
As of day 1 in my new life, here are my thoughts:
PROS
- The treadmill is so small and cute!
- Right in the middle of my living room
- Positioned so I can look out the window at all the NON exercisers on the street
- GOOD MOOD!
CONS
- The "increase speed" button stick sometimes, and I almost got thrown off the back of the treadmill when it jumped up unexpectedly to 5mph
- I was extremely late for work
- Unsure if I should wear shoes or not. Today I didn't, and my feet kind of hurt now
Adding The Treadmill into my life is clearly going to take an adjustment. I need to get up a little earlier, go to sleep a little earlier, and slowly increase my speed/distance over time (so they say). Today's walk was about 30 minutes, but I think I can get it down to 20. Open up this wide ass gait and get to steppin'. I'm already hot so I don't need to worry about that, but everyone could use a little bit of lengthening and leaning, right? Maybe after I get in the swing of things, I'll be able to go up a flight of stairs without clutching my chest? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!!!!!! Watch out Frank, there's a NEW WALKER IN TOWN!