Playboy Says New York Is The Sexiest City In America
(NEW YORK) — New York City has too many attractions to list, but all of them combine to make the Big Apple America’s sexiest city, according to Playboy. The men’s magazine compiled a list of the top 25 sexiest cities in the U.S., based on two polls that measured how hot the residents are, the nightlife scene, and “an undercurrent of desire.” Los Angeles places second, while Detroit earned the distinction of being the country’s “unsexiest” city. Playboy described New York as a place where “the people are hot, the sex is prime quality and the frequency is high, averaging 138 times per year.” Here’s Playboy’s complete list of “America’s 25 Sexiest Cities”:
1. New York
2. Los Angeles
3. Chicago
4. Miami
5. San Francisco
6. Boston
7. Seattle
8. Las Vegas
9. San Diego
10. Portland
11. Dallas
12. Philadelphia
13. Austin
14. Minneapolis
15. Denver
16. Tampa
17. Atlanta
18. Phoenix
19. Washington, D.C.
20. Charlotte
21. Orlando
22. Houston
23. Pittsburgh
24. New Orleans
25. Santa Barbara
Well thank God. Its about time we got a little bit of good news around here. Every time you turn around someone someone is getting killed and there’s homeless people on every corner. You hear the story about Morgan Freeman’s granddaughter this week? Getting stabbed to death in the middle of the street because her boyfriend was hallucinating on drugs and thought he was performing an exorcism and getting the evil spirits out of her? Thats the kind of stories we’ve been getting used to these days in New York City.
But fear not, New Yorkers! We’re still hot and we love to fuck! I’m not even saying that to try to brag. We flat out need hot chicks who are down to fuck or this city will simply cease to exist. There are 2 reasons people historically move to NYC – 1) There are a lot of good, high paying jobs 2) there are a lot of single people looking to party and hook up. Now, number 1 is disappearing. With telecommuting and the internet and shit, slowly but surely you can do everything from your computer. Soon enough, its not gonna be necessary to cram a bazillion people into this tiny godforsaken island and its outer boroughs.
So that only leaves sex as the number 1 reason to live here. Its the only thing we got going for us. A ton of smokes who are all convinced they are gonna make it as a model or an actress or a fashion designer. Some chicks who want to make Sex and the City or the Devil Wears Prada come to life. And then while they live here they let their freak flag fly. Decide to get all slutty for a few years all under the guise os empowerment and sexual expression. I dunno whatever. Not sure reason why they fuck a lot but they do. Lotta “undercurrent of desire” as Playboy puts it. Lotta.
So not only is it awesome to live here and have sex with a bunch of people but you’re also contributing to saving New York City. Without you stick your D in some strange, this city may crumble entirely. If the promiscuous sex disappears, so does New York City. So do your part this weekend. Keep NYC rated the sexiest city in the country and make sure it continues to exist.