10 Lies You Have Told And Will Tell Your Parents

Parents. We lie to them because we love them and don’t want them to know what terrible people we are. Everyone lies to their parents once and awhile.

1. “What did you do at work today?” “Nothing.”

This has happened everyday since I started working at Barstool. I guess it’s only kind of a lie, I do almost nothing. There’s a big difference between almost nothing and absolutely nothing. Anyways, its much better than telling my parents I wrote a blog about masturbation or I MFK’d people I work with on video.

2. “Im going to Brenna’s”

This has now evolved into “ Im going for drinks with friends”. Either way its the same thing, the chances I was actually where I said I was in high school was like 0%
3. We’re just friends

He’s a very very very good friend. That is all, I swear.
4. Im always careful!

My parents know this is a flat out lie. When I come home with broken bones and bruises all over my body (not always after drinking) its pretty clear I have never been careful in my life.
5. Dad/ Mom said it was fine

I mean they didn’t technically say it was fine but I’m sure they would, ya know?

6. No, I didn’t see what you posted on my Facebook wall

Yes, I saw the video of the puppy and the dolphin. I get a notification every time you post on my wall. I see everything.
7. I need money for groceries

I need money for a 12 dollar handle of vodka because thats how poor I am and thats how much I hate my body.

8. I didn’t really do anything this weekend

I got blackout drunk and some how I made it home and I’m still alive.

9. Everything’s fine

She says as she frantically writes a research paper thats due in 2 hours that she just started while the smoke alarm goes off because whatever she tried to cook is burning.
10.That’s not mine

Thats most definitely mine.