Unveiling Thanksgiving Topics: Part 2- Main Course

This blog series is devoted to making your Thanksgiving table just a little more bearable after Demi Moore and I provide you with some topics that will lead the conversation away from the mundane. 

This is the second installment… The first was EXTREMELY well received and you can find the first here. 

TOPIC 2- What scares you most about potentially going to prison?

Most people around the table probably have the same answer… And I’ll run down what I believe are the top 5 fears surrounding incarceration. 

5. Being away from family and friends. 

4. The claustrophobia of being forced to live in such a confined space. 

3. The pain you will put your loved ones through as they deal with the hassle and humiliation of seeing one of their own being locked up. 

2. The awful prison amenities… Food, clothes, bed, etc. 

1. The threat of anal rape. 

(There Will Be Blood)

All 5 are salient concerns, but thanks to your old buddy Large, you can add one more fear that I am positive nobody else will mention… Chicken feces. 

The notorious prison Khuk Khi Kai (or Chicken Shit Prison) in Thailand was built to temporarily hold Thais who were against the French occupation of Chanthaburi in the late 1800s.  

A 22-foot high, square-shaped prison, was built of solid brick with each side measuring about 15 feet wide, and only a couple of slits carved into each side for ventilation. 

It had two stories… the ground floor housed the prisoners who were crammed into a single room for weeks at a time. 

The first and second floors were divided by a grated roof, and the top floor housed a working chicken coop. With a porous floor beneath the chickens and above the prisoners, when the birds shit, it dropped directly on the prisoners' heads as one of their torture methods. 

For the uninitiated, chicken shit has a high ammonia content and prolonged exposure to it… Particularly, chickens shitting on your head day and night for weeks at a time… Is no beuno.  So much so, that the conditions caused a good percentage of the prisoners to develop fatal lung problems after their release. 

So, although your Uncle Freddie’s concern about forcible anal penetration is warranted, I think introducing the chicken shit wrinkle will probably be enough to get you through the main course without one mention of your sister’s recent hysterectomy. 

I’ll drop a final topic for dessert in Part 3 tomorrow, and on Wednesday night, a fresh Twisted History will be dropping wherever you listen to or watch podcasts. 

Happy Thanksgiving… 

… and take a report. 

-Large