A Store Owner Fighting Off Two Robbers Wielding A Machete With A Bigger Sword Is The Most Absurd Surveillance Video

WPXI – “[One of the teenage robbers] was like, ‘Stay away. Give me money. Give me money,’” M.C. Hydare, the brother of the cashier, told Channel 11.

The other juvenile was stopped and held by a customer.

Investigators said that the juvenile who went behind the counter brandished a large silver knife that was more than one foot long. That’s when the cashier pulled out the sword to defend himself and chase off the juveniles.

“He had a sword, so he just removed the sword and attacked him. Then when he hit the sword that the dude had in his hand — my brother hit the sword — he ran away,” said Hydare.

The juvenile ran and grabbed several T-shirts, which he dropped upon running into the other juvenile, police said. Both of the juveniles, whose faces were hidden, were able to get away.

It sucks that these kids are so young and turning to a life of crime and that this cashier came so close to losing his life over convenience store crap. But my God. This GIF. This beautiful GIF:

It’s even better if you play this while it loops:

A store owner fighting off two would-be robbers is great enough in one of those “Instant karma” kind of ways. But with that hilarious GIF and the fact that I presume the store owners are Arab-American and they used this sword straight from the props department of the Broadway reenactment of Aladdin makes it an all-timer for me:

Tell me that’s not a sword that’s been used to cut the hand off some Dickensian street urchin who got hungry and stole a loaf of bread from a Somalian greenmarket. And I’ve got no doubt this dude would have done the same to these kids if he had to. But more than anything I’m glad this situation worked out. Nine times out of ten if this cashier pulled that sword on someone, he’s getting a bullet right between the eyes, a total Rock-Paper-Scissors situation more often than not. But these kids thought some run of the mill garden machete were enough to get results in a convenience store robbery and, unfortunately for them, it’s the one situation where it wasn’t. You don’t bring a machete to a Prince of Persia swordfight. Now these kids know, a valuable lesson indeed.