Half Of Disney World Was Shut Down Because A Goddamn BEAR Snuck Into The Park (Bonus: Top 5 Disney Bears Ever)
First off, if you are reading this blog at the Magic Kingdom while stuck on a neverending line with your kids because half of the park is shut down, please know that I feel your pain. I just did the Disney parks quadfecta 6 months ago with my littles ones and the amount of wear & tear it did to me mentally, physically, and every other word that ends in "ally" lived up to the warnings of every parent.
If you don't think you are going to be able to make it the rest of the day, I heard the bear was in a tree near Thunder Mountain and would gladly put you out of your misery by eating your ass. Sure having your dad get eaten by a bear wasn't the memory you were hoping to give your kids while dropping a mortgage payment or three to visit Orlando. But it may be better than spending actual time with them on an endless line for a 90 second ride.
As for the actual story, my biggest question is how does a bear sneak into Magic Kingdom? I know that Walt Disney World is a MASSIVE compound with endless acres of land. But I feel like Mickey Mouse has a tight grip on every inch of that land and knows everything that goes on there. Which has me wondering how the fuck does a bear mosey into The Mouse's signature park and through his gates without at least without getting hit for a $200 admission fee? I knew Disney was in trouble these days but their notorious security not being able to keep a giant predator out of the Magic Kingdom and upgrading it from the Seventh Circle of Hell to the Ninth Circle of Hell due to all the delays is as big a red flag as there is.
Back to the sorry sons of bitches stuck in this overcrowded park. I prepared a Top 5 list of Disney bears to help you pass the time as you wait for 3 hours to ride Space Mountain instead of the usual 1.5 hours because I truly care about you and I love putting together lists like this.
Disney Bear Rankings:
5. Country Jamboree Bears
Nobody thinks about these old bastards unless there is a story involving Disney and a bear. I remember seeing them as a kid and being creeped out by them. Based on that gif, I don't think much has changed and they don't hold a candle to the best animitronic band, The Stew Leonard's Farm Fresh Five.
4. Gummi Bears
I honestly forgot these bears were technically Disney bears. But I do remember that show having a BANGER of a theme song and it being fun as hell even though the solution to every conflict was just drinking gummi juice and bouncing on all their enemies, which looking back was some coldblooded shit.
3. Little John
The Robin Hood animated movie is so goddamn underrated and I'm not just saying that because Maid Marian made me feel things I shouldn't feel about a fox, animated or not.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Little John! Just an all-time great ride or die wingman that crushes living the life of an outlaw.
2. Baloo
A super loyal dude that can keeps the mood light and can bust a move whenever he wants to.
And even when he's not supposed to.
1. Winnie The Pooh
My man got famous for doing nothing but being chill as fuck and eating honey without pants on. If that isn't the goal for every Unit, I don't know what is. Actually that I think about it, I've basically followed the career arc of Winnie The Pooh by becoming a blogger so I didn't have to get dressed for work and my first content series was 15 Second Food Reviews.
I guess that's why I'm dressing up as Pooh Bear for Halloween.
Obligatory Disney Boys shout out.