Gronk Gives Details of How He Avoided a Fate Worse Than Death - a Trade to Detroit - by Being 'a Douchebag'

I has long been accepted fact that, with Rob Gronkowski coming off what would be his last truly great season in New England, that Bill Belichick tried to trade him to Detroit. The Lions had just hired Matt Patricia as head coach to replace Jim Caldwell after back-to-back 9-7 seasons and an 0-2 postseason record in his four year career. 

And it was always believed that Gronk exercised one of the only options available to an NFL player who didn't win a no-trade deal at the bargaining table. Which is to either kill yourself, or threaten to retire.

Now, we can debate whether ending your life is preferable to playing pro football in Detroit (the Lions have gone 26-54-2 since, so the sweet release of death doesn't seem all that bad in comparison), but Gronk reportedly took the easier path of calling the Patriots bluff by saying he'd retire. 

And now we have confirmation, as Gronk just spoke to Good Morning Football's Pete Schrager to elaborate. After admitting there was some "disconnect" and "mayham (sic)" between him and the organization after the 2017 season, and conceding he might have handled things wrong and might do it differently given the chance at a do-over, he explained how he forced the team's hand:

"I was kind of being a douchebag a little bit. Then Bill was like 'all right, let's get this douchebag out of here.' Then I was like 'oh, the douchebag ain't playing no more, though.' So I was amping it up even more, at the moment.

“I was like 'How can you trade me? I'm retired.' …

"I was like Patriots or nothing. I go 'We've got to win one more Super Bowl."

Now, were I a Lions fan - and only by divine grace and an accident of birth am I not - I'd take a lot of comfort in this admission. That it wasn't a Detroit thing. Gronk makes it clear he'd have threatened to retire no matter where he was traded. Hard as that might be to believe. I mean, it's damned near impossible to imagine he wouldn't have taken the chance to play in Kansas City or Green Bay or go home to Buffalo. But there it is, from the horse's mouth. He would play in New England or move onto his post-football life of selling personal appearances and cannabis oil. 

But like Gronk, I'm like Patriots or nothing. So I'm forever in his debt for checkmating them the way he did. 

It's not a stretch to say that without that decision to back Belichick into a corner and bring Gronk back another year, that we'd be looking at a sad collection of five banners above the south end zone right now instead of six. Despite the fact he was injured, reduced to the role of a third tackle/decoy, put up some of the lowest numbers of his career, with the fewest yards per game since his rookie season (52.5) and a career low three touchdowns, he was nevertheless instrumental in sparing us the indignity of only five Super Bowl titles. From the three receptions for 51 yards in the 4th quarter and overtime at Kansas City in the AFC championship game, to the biggest offensive play of Super Bowl LIII. His catch for the ages that broke open a pitcher's duel and set up the game's only touchdown:

 It turns out that catch itself was set up by Gronk's self-professed mayhem. Using the only leverage he had at his disposal to spare him from having to play for Patricia's Lions. If ever there was a case of doing the right thing by "handling things wrong," this is it. How fitting it is then, that he left a permanently douchey mark in the trophy:

So every time you see that sixth Lombardi trophy or that Super Bowl LIII banner, remember to say, "Thanks, douchebag."