I Officially Hate The Mean Girls

Far be it from me to perpetuate the timeless trope of “women hate women,” but sometimes you have to take one for the team, for the greater good. As of today, I officially hate the Mean Girls. It's all about the clicks, right? 

Preemptive apologies to Kontent Kim, who I respect and love. I'm about to talk major shit about your daughter.

I learned a valuable lesson in college, one that I wish I learned much earlier in life - you NEED to surround yourself with people who will check you on your bullshit. The kind of people who will go out of their way to tell you "hey, you look really fucking stupid right now, and everyone is talking shit about you behind your back." As it seems Alex Bennett and Jordyn Woodruff do not have this in their lives, I am graciously stepping up to the plate.

Alex and Jordyn, in real life, aren’t bad. I like them both as people. Is Alex a completely different person than one year ago when I spent a lot of time with her on Barstool Vs America? Yes. Did she change for the better? Who’s to say. Jordyn sits behind me and we get along fine, we talk about wine sometimes and she was the one who blew the lid off the Onlyfans Cash Bucket, so I owe her for that. I am sometimes surprised that either of them get up in the morning and have enough brainpower to get out the door, but that's another story. Regardless, I've spent enough time with them to know that both of these women are smarter, better, more eloquent than this constant stupidity mongering while sullying the always delicate perception of the Females at Barstool Sports (at least, I think.) 

Sure, the brand goes crazy with clicks. How could it not, with such brain busting declarations and mind numbing banter? I've listened to a few of their actual episodes, and apart from getting a vibe so ditzy Jessica Simpson is rolling her eyes, it's a good show. But you know how I know the powers that be are LOVING it? They get posted by main Barstool accounts Every. Single. Day. The Mean Girls sneeze, we hear about it for a week. Gaz waxes poetic for his entire allotted amount of time in every single company wide meeting we have. "The Mean Girls are crushing it!" “Be like them! Clicks are clicks!” This is where I have to bow out. I refuse to allow clips online perpetuate something that I, and every other girl at Barstool have tried to dig ourselves out of for YEARS - Girls are not stupid, girls can be funny, girls can make salient points on podcasts.

I need it to be said that no one, myself included, wishes ill on the success of the show. A rising tide raises all ships, we know that. They get a lot of views on all these social clips, we can't deny that. But there is also something to be said about keeping the Barstool brand "cool" and "fresh" and something people are proud to say they follow. The more clips of Mean Girls we have talking about dinosaurs and hand washing on main page, the more that starts to go away. I didn't bust my ass for 10 years to be a part of a brand that encourages a strategy so uncool, I feel the need to apologize for it. 

This has to be the end. The Mean Girls brand has been established, the growth is there, it's time to hang up the clickbait and produce something that actually requires neurons. “Let’s all collectively shove their self-declared, unwashed clits down our throats because they get VIEWS” is not the mantra anymore. Everyone at Barstool has two sides of themselves, on camera and off camera. Whether they want to admit it or not, we all play it up a little bit when the bright lights are on. That's why we get paid the big bucks! We run into a problem when your "persona" bleeds into your actual personality, and no one is in on the joke anymore. That's where we are at. I don't want to hate these girls! The New York office is going to be stuck with them when everyone else moves to Chicago! But sadly, I also don't want to field questions from people I know in my actual life outside of work, like "are those girls ACTUALLY that stupid?" At this point, I don't know how to respond. 

I won't even dive into the physical repulsion I have over this clip. It's simply too much and it was really the straw that broke my back. "There were less diseases" ??????? TURN. YOUR. BRAIN. ON. I might need to call up Erika, Dave and Jay Snowden to ask if I can file a complaint with the Department of Health on behalf of Barstool HQ. I know it's insane to assume everyone washes their hands every single time they are in the bathroom, but I don't think ANYONE needs confirmation that in this cesspool of an office, our chances of acquiring the Bubonic Plague are increasing every day. 

(To be fair, I talked shit about the Plan Bri girls for not washing their hands when they put out an almost identical clip like a YEAR ago, but they get a pass, because at least they know they're trashbags. Re2pect.)

In conclusion, I'm taking a note from the scummiest place in New York City: the subway. I'm seeing something, and saying something. No longer will we pretend that these two are masterminds of the craft, brainstorming absurd shit to say for clicks. This is who they are. I pray these two feel just a shred of embarrassment after this blog, as was its intention. The Mean Girls are getting Mean Girl'd. Karma always comes back. There are other ways to make a name for yourself, other takes to fire off that can drive a little controversy. It may be hard, because all of those things require the ability to perform cognitive or physiological tasks, but I hope this can be a teachable moment for us all.