The Entire City Of Cleveland Is On A Manhunt For The Scumbag That Stole Terry Francona's Scooter

News Channel 5 — The Cleveland Guardians have confirmed that manager Terry Francona's scooter was stolen from his residence over the weekend.

One of the fun off-the-field things about the Guardians in recent years has been fans spotting Tito on his famous scooter. The manager is well-known for riding his scooter downtown, where he has resided in the past, and to ballgames.

The manager does not request police escorts after games, preferring to wave to fans and high-five public servants on the short ride home instead.

Even if you aren't a Cleveland Guardians fan you know Terry Francona. He's one of the greatest - if not the greatest - baseball manager in recent memory and the type of dude you'd love to have a beer with. What you may not know is that this gem of a human also resides in downtown Cleveland and rides a scooter every day to work.

No police escort, no fancy car with a driver, just Tito doing his best Lloyd Christmas impression. Rain or shine, and even in the snow, if you are lucky you will see Tito's little round head buzzing by on his hog.

Unfortunately this weekend, while he was welcoming tens of thousands of adoring fans into GuardsFest at the stadium, some low life opportunist piece of shit stole Tito's scooter from his building. 

Now, I can understand wanting that bad boy as a memento or keepsake from Tito's illustrious career. Without him I don't think our baseball team would have even sniffed the playoffs most of the time. But to steal a man's pride and joy is as low as it gets.

The entire city of Cleveland knows who owns that scooter. You know exactly who are stealing from. The guy keeps it outside his apartment building on the busiest street in town and no one would usually dare touch it. It's like Denzel's ride in Training Day or Happy Jack's watch in Gangs of New York. 

To say people are pissed in an understatement. Clevelanders are a peaceful bunch and the list of things you absolutely cannot do here is short:

You don't bring up the drive.

You don't bring up the fumble.

You don't bring up Jose Mesa in Game 7.

You can't say pierogis are gross.

You never talk shit about Drew Carey.

AND YOU DON'T THOUCH TITO'S FUCKING SCOOTER!

And it looks like vigilante justice is our only option at this point. The police apparently have no leads, which is odd since the street it was parked on looks like this and is usually filled with people four nights a week…

You're telling me no one saw anything and there is nothing on any of those businesses' cameras? This sounds like a cover up if I have ever seen one. 

Has anyone checked Jimmy Haslam's house? This would be a pretty brilliant way to get everyone to stop paying attention to the fact the Bengals are once again one of the top four teams in the NFL and the Browns…well you know the saying…the Browns is the Browns.