Just When I Thought I Was Up, Dave And Big Cat Remind Me Just How Inconsequential I am
I started this week riding as high as Mike Tyson and Rick Flair after that weed conference.
The Browns broke a season opener winless streak that was so old it could vote and I had just returned from a trip to Carolina that was fruitful both personally and professionally. An 8.5 hour road trip with your son is bonding time a lot of fathers don’t get to have. And 175k+ views on your videos from the weekend is a validation a lot of content creators don’t get to experience.
People were approaching me at the massive Browns tailgate in Carolina and thanking me for representing the city at Barstool. It was kind of surreal. I’ve been in media and entertainment for almost 15 years and I have never received the love I have since I started at here. Stoolies are a different breed and as long as you have thick skin and a some hustle there is no better job in the industry.
On top of that, I was in Columbus the weekend before for OSU v ND and had amassed about 125k views on those videos. Not going to lie, I was feeling pretty damn good about myself. Surely, I was finally making some waves and earning some respect around this joint…
Well fuck me. Just to clarify, I am not Matt Fitzgerald and he is not a Cleveland blogger. He is based out of Cincy and writes a ton of NFL blogs. Great stuff by the way, you should check them out.
No, I am the Cleveland guy. And Matt Fitzgerald is also NOT the guy who was at MAC media day, that was me. More on that later.
When I first saw the clip I didn’t know how to feel. On one hand I was just mentioned (albeit very briefly and inaccurately) by the big guns here, which is cool. On the other hand I had always kind of envisioned my national debut being on the YAK debating the merits of laying down vs sitting up whilst jerking off. Or possibly on The Dave Portnoy Show embroiled in a vicious beef with Chris Klemmer over who is the real “Forehead Guy” at Barstool sports.
I’m definitely not complaining. With a contract negotiation (or termination) on the horizon I guess it’s better than them not knowing who the hell I am. But still I am torn. So I decided to make a Pros and Cons list about the Pick Em clip from yesterday.
Big Cat knows my name – PRO – I’ll classify this one as a win. Both he and Dave have followed me for quite a few years on Twitter so it’s not totally surprising but still nice to know. I earned those follows when Manziel called me pussy on Twitter, I challenged him to a fight, and we ended up on TMZ.
I feel like Big Cat and I kindred spirits. We are both fathers, both have an unhealthy obsession with MAC sports, and many people would say we are immature for our age. He actually sent me a nice DM after I was hired back in February. A real sweetheart that guy is. Never mind the fact he absolutely alpha’d me the next time I DM’d him about…you guessed it, MAC Media day. The same one he had zero clue I was at.
Big Cat didn’t know it was me at Mac Media Day – CON – When I went to MAC Media Day it wasn’t to research teams because I’m not a fucking nerd and I can afford an internet connection. No, I went with the brilliant idea for a skit where I was a down-and-out media member who lost all his money betting MAC unders. My goal would be to get them to stop scoring so many points.
I thought it turned out pretty funny even though it didn’t get a ton of run.
I think it was Toledo head coach Jason Candle who actually showed me a text between him and Big Cat. So that means while I was walking around MAC Media Day, dressed like an asshole who just lost his kid’s birthday present money at the dog track, everyone was definitely side-eyeing me wondering if I was actually a part of Barstool or just some slapdick who snuck in for the free breakfast buffet.
To be fair, I am a slapdick, and I did steal some mini-waffles to take home, but I am also a part of Barstool.
Dave knew my name off the top of his head – PRO – I’ll just be real, If he didn’t know who I was I’d be pretty worried about my contract getting renewed. I mean after all, he is the guy who hired me. Dave knowing your name isn’t always a positive but I think in this case I’ll take it as such.
The number one question I get asked is if I know Dave and I say no. Then they ask how I got hired at Barstool and I have to say Dave hired me. Very confusing stuff. It honestly doesn’t even make sense to me. I actually check the blogger page at least twice a week to see if I am still on there.
At Barstool they just hire you and set you loose with zero direction whatsoever. The only contact I have really had with the higher-ups was when we tried to throw a golf outing in Cleveland and Gaz very gently told me that he didn’t think it was a good idea.
My name was used during a bit to embarrass Rico – CON – I don’t know Rico. I saw him briefly the day I worked out of HQ and he seemed like a nice enough guy. I enjoy the shows he is on and respect what he has built here. But none of that matters if he equates me with something that is making him look bad.
I worry that now I’m a marked man. A quick check of his Twitter shows that I am not blocked but he also does not follow me back.
Maybe he is studying my movements to find out when I am weakest and strike. Could he attack with a delicious flying malt beverage? Or possibly an ear-piercing silent treatment my fiancé could only dream of executing? Either way I am on high alert today.
This won’t stop me from chasing my dream of tearing up The Shore for a weekend with him next summer. I come in peace, Rico.
Conclusion – It all comes out in the wash. I don’t think I am any worse off today than I was yesterday and that’s all I can ask. A few pros, a few cons, a few texts from friends saying, “dude, they don’t even know what you do there 😂.” Mama I made it.