Ozzy Osbourne is Moving Back to the UK Because America is Too Crazy and Violent for Him

Source - After more than two decades in Los Angeles, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne are returning home to the U.K., with gun crimes in the U.S. being a primary reason.

“Everything’s fucking ridiculous there. I’m fed up with people getting killed every day. God knows how many people have been shot in school shootings. And there was that mass shooting in Vegas at that concert… It’s fucking crazy,” Osbourne told The Observer in an interview.

“And I don’t want to die in America. I don’t want to be buried in fucking Forest Lawn,” Osbourne added.

I consider myself as patriotic an American as their is. To the point I'm not above indulging in a bit of jingoistic assholery. In most cases, some multi-platinum, multi-millionaire recording star tells us America sucks and they want out, I'm all to ready to tell them, "Great! Honk off, Bozo. Who needs you? Good riddance and don't let the the TSA Customs gate hit you in the ass." 

But not in this case. Because honestly, how do you find flaws in Ozzy's logic?

It is fucking ridiculous here. It is fucking crazy. We're coming up on 250 years of moving out of King George's house and telling him we don't have to live under his rules and we can live on our own, and we still can't. As nation's go, we're a hyperactive toddler who in the best of times can't stop fighting with our siblings and our peers. We constantly break shit. We drive mom to drink. And we've found dad's gun in the nightstand, but think it's our new toy. And that's at the age of two and a half centuries. 

I mean, even if you wanted to argue his points and explain all the good things we've done and are still achieving, how can you? The very fact that we're too crazy for Ozzy fucking Osbourne invalidates all your points. Your arguments are self-defeating. He's the Prince of Darkness, and we're too nuts for him. Back in the day, America went through was is now referred to by sociologists as The Satanic Panic, where parents were convinced their kids were being seduced by Ol' Mephistopheles himself. And Ozzy was considered by most to be the dark priest of the whole movement. He once grabbed a live bat while on stage and bit its head off. 

Ozzy Osbourne about to ditch us and head back to the UK. And when he does, we as a nation will be more bananas without him than we were with. Dwell on that fact for a few minutes and tell me he's wrong. When your country is considered intolerably psycho, batshit crazy by the guy who perfected batshit craziness, it's time to do a little self-assessment. To take a good, long look in the national mirror and say it's just not working out for us.