Archbishop of Canterbury Says We Should Forgive Prince Andrew for His Serial Pedophilia. How About They Both Piss Off Instead?

I'm nobody's idea of a religious scholar. And I'm by no means an authority on the Anglican church. In fact, the only things I know about it I've learned from shows about Henry VIII and one classic Monty Python sketch:

But I do know they're Christian. Which means they're all about forgiveness, which is good. Unlike the Old Testament God, who was all about punishment, fear, retribution and suffering and ruled the universe with iron sandals, your New Testament God is all about that Mercy Life. Forgive us our tresspasses, and all that. So when you hear the Archbishop of Canterbury say we all need to forgive Prince Andrew, on some level it sounds sort of noble. Something the One who asked His Father to forgive his tormentors with His dying breath would've wanted us flawed, sinning mortals to aspire to. 

Funny thing about that though. What are we forgiving Andrew for, exactly? 

I mean, not to get the Archbishop on a technicality, but don't the rules state that you're supposed to ask for absolution while confessing your sins in order to be forgiven? That's how we roll in my church. That's why they build those little closets off to the side where someone in every edgy sitcom eventually goes in there and says a bunch of shocking stuff to the typically mortified priest and hilarity is supposed to ensue. And once you've done your penitence, your slate is wiped clean. That's where we get the word "penitent." You're truly sorry for the wrongs you've done. 

So refresh our memories. What did this inbred, upper crust twit say he's sorry for? If I remember this correctly, nothing:

This utterly debauched, degenerate fucking creepshow has given one interview in his adult life. And the first time he found himself in a discussion with an actual journalist trying to get to the truth instead of a sycophant paid to obsequiously cater to his every royal whim on the British taxpayer's dime, he produced the Hindenburg of interviews. Wherein he called his main accuser a liar. 

Virginia Roberts said Prince A-hole here raped her repeatedly at Jeffrey Epstein's rape house on Rape Island. He said he'd never met her. 

When a photo was produced of him with his arm around the girl, with Epstein's girlfriend/convicted recruiter standing behind them, he tried to get it squashed. 

He claimed the picture had to be photoshopped, because it was taken upstairs in the house and he'd never been up there. How he recognized that was the floor he'd never been on if he'd never been there, your guess is as good as mine. 

Roberts said he was on the dance floor at a club in London with her, sweating grotesquely through his button down shirt. He said that's not possible, because he doesn't dress like that in London. So, naturally, photos were produced of him doing exactly that:

He then told the BBC interviewer that he can't sweat, due to an injury he suffered getting shot at in The Falklands War back in the 80s. Not shot; shot at. Which I'm sure is no bargain. But only one time in medical history has this condition struck anyone. And wouldn't you know it, it happened to the son of the richest landowner on Earth and an heir to the Throne of England, who was accused of sweating by the girl who accused him of rape. So it's sort of a lucky break when you think about it. 

He also denied that he'd ever "partied." (Though he did implicate himself as someone who uses "party" as a verb.) Except … more photos came out. Some of them sweatier than Cool Hand Luke. 

Worst of all - aside from the whole, you know, raping thing - he claimed he went to NYC to meet with Epstein to say he never wanted to hang out with him ever again. As one does when one is breaking up with someone because they're a convicted pedophile. You fly across an ocean and look him right in the eye and say "It's over." Convicted pedophile-to-definitely-innocent-of-pedophilia. 

Then he capped off that one interview by really taking his late non-friend to task with punishment far harsher than calling his accuser a liar. He said of Epstein, “He has quite obviously conducted himself in a manner that was unbecoming.” 

So how can you not forgive a man who's capable of such contrition and humility? Here ya go, Archbishop:

Andrew, let's let bygones be bygone. Let's forget about all the credible, detailed testimony from Virginia Roberts that completely matches up with all the other victims on Pedo Island. That business of you staying at Epstein's Manhattan town house after he'd pled guilty to statutory rape? Water under the bridge. Accusing her of lying and then paying her off with the British taxpayer's money rather than defend your honor in court? OK, maybe not the best look, but ours is not to judge. The fact that everything you've said on your own behalf has been ridiculously stupid and proven to be demonstrably untrue by photographic evidence? All is forgiven. 

I'm not the biggest Bible scholar, either. But here's one even the Archbishop of Canterbury will know. In Jesus' own words - make that, me paraphrasing Jesus' own words - let ye who hasn't flown on a sick bastard billionaire's private jet to his own personal offshore hideaway where he notoriously exploited hundreds of vulnerable underage girls for his own sadistic desires and spend weeks there, cast the first stone. 

See? Forgiveness is not only easy, it makes us all feel good.