HALLELUJAH! Pope Says Premarital And Extramarital Sex "Isn't A Big Deal"

Reuters - Pope Francis said on Monday that he had accepted the resignation of Paris archbishop Michel Aupetit not because he had sinned but because the gossip about him had left him in a position where he could no longer govern the diocese.

Speaking to reporters on a plane returning to Rome from a trip to Cyprus and Greece, Francis said sins of the flesh were certainly sins but not as great as sins such as hatred and pride and that the bishop had been the victim of "an injustice".

“Sins of the flesh are not the most serious,” the 84-year-old religious leader said regarding sex outside of marriage. Top transgressions instead include pride and hatred.

"It was a failing against the sixth commandment (You shall not commit adultery) but not a total one, one of small caresses, massage given to his secretary - that is what the accusation is," Francis said. "There is a sin there but not the worst kind."

Well if it isn't the cool Pope coming through with a fuckin haymaker to silence all the fire and brimstone mother fuckers. 

All those wackos holding the picket signs telling us we're all going to hell because we're terrible people, that we need to repent because Jesus is coming back, and he is NOT gonna be happy, yah, they can all suck it.

In fact, it turns out, those judgemental fucks are the real sinners. 

Pope Frank here said so.

Hatred and Pride are the worst of all sins. Sounds about right. Make no mistake, those Attleboro Church people, and the minor league wackos that follow in their footsteps all think their shit don't stink. And they HATE us regular folks that enjoy booze, bitches, ballgames, and blunts. Etcetera. 

The rest of us, the fornicators if you wanna call us that, we're off the hook. Officially. The Pope said so and no tag backs.

No longer do we need to live in shame for engaging in sex before we're married. Those of us that lost our virginity in a shit hole motel room that we split with 5 buddies in Wildwood, NJ one summer in high school no longer have to have thoughts of burning in hell because we didn't promise ourselves to God like Tim Tebow or the Jonas Brothers.

And perhaps the most shocking part of this annoncement comes for the folks out there that cheat on their spouses, they're off the hook too it seems.

Would you expect anything less from the Pope that loves thirst traps on Instagram.

All in all a pretty solid day for God fearing Catholics out there. Sure we're born with original sin, destined for hell, spend our entire lives groveling for forgiveness and acceptance into God's Kingdom, through sacraments, and confessing our sins, like getting dome in the SJ tennis courts during the school dance, to a grown man that's never been with a woman, that sits behind a screen, fighting his own demons, probably likes other men, and may or may not have a thing for young boys. But he talks to God for us, and he tells us how many Hail Mary's and Our Father's we owe as penance. Don't ask questions, this is just the way it works.

So for you fellow heathens out there, pour one out tonight, or raise one up and cheers Pope Francis tonight.

SALUTE!

p.s. - I have a good friend who is extremely religious. Not on the level of my nana, but close. Met him at Loyola, went to a Jesuit highschool too, but practiced harder and bought in more than anybody I know. Which I actually respect the hell out of. Anyway, this friend of mine, would party his balls off with us all through college, Thursday - Saturday going hard as hell, and then somehow drag his ass out of a coma every Sunday morning and get to Mass at the School Chapel. He could be on his deathbed and he'd still make Mass. Yah the rest of us felt like shit and ribbed him endlessly for it, but he told us to eat shit and went about his business. Well, in addition to partying like a maniac, this guy also like the ladies. All shapes, sizes, and colors. He was an equal opportunist. Probably soaked his stick more than anybody I knew in college. And was a huge fan of 69'ing back before it became cool, or funny. We joked that he was a giving lover, but he was. (Sidebar- a few years ago we actually found a dildo mounted power drill in his bedroom). But anyway, this friend used to get his sex on, on the regular, and then go to Confession on a weekly basis, and recount his "sins", play-by-play to the Priest. Every week. And he'd tell us this when we'd ask him with a straight face. We'd joke that he was probably the highlight of the Priest's week every week, and that he was probably recording him to jerk off to later, but our friend didn't care. He sinned, and he had to come clean to the Big Man Upstairs via Father Chillikulam. That was, and still is absolutely wild to me. When I came across this story yesterday I couldn't send it fast enough to him. 

p.p.s.- Hot Seat - Joey Greco. 

Now that the Pope has proclaimed cheating isn't a big deal, kinda puts a damper on his little gotcha TV show now doesn't it?

p.p.p.s. - two of my favorite rants about God all time