Report: The Rockies Have Determined the Fan Accused of Hurling Racial Slurs Was Just Calling for Dinger the Mascot

So this unfortunate bit of business happened Sunday at Coors Field, with Marlins outfielder Lewis Brinson at the plate, the mics picked up a guy screaming his lungs out and sounding suspiciously like he was yelling the kind of shit you would expect to hear back when Ty Cobb was beating up the handicapped between innings. It was alarming enough that the Rockies issued a statement:

And for quite a while there, it seemed like this was going to be yet another incident that would drop a nuke straight down into already Grand Canyon-sized cultural divide and make it even wider. Like the country needs that right now. 

But it's possible, just possible, that this is a story with the rare happy ending. Which we do, in fact, need. We could use gobs and gobs of happy endings, and it appears we have it. 

Here's another video that appears to be more telling:

So if the report is correct - and it does pass the all-important Blue Checkmark test - then it would appear we have dodged a socio-political bullet. So what we believed could be the rantings of a deranged white supremacist trying to set off the Helter Skelter race war that Charlie Manson was so enthusiastic about, might just be some middle aged innocent trying to get the attention of America's most beloved purple, fuzzy triceratops? 

Whoosh. 

Look, I'm not going to sit here and definitively tell you I know what that guy was yelling. Though I think it speaks volumes that neither Brinson or anyone in the stands gave a second thought to what this guy was screaming with a voice like a car alarm. Which you'd like to think they would if it's a racial slur coming from anywhere, much less the second row behind the backstop. But things are so beyond toxic in this country right now that we're conditioned to go right to Threat Level: Midnight if there's even a possibility someone is acting out in the worst possible way. The benefit of the doubt is as extinct as, ironically enough, the triceratops. We're all on a hair trigger and ready to assume the worst at all times. 

So here's hoping this is exactly what it looks like based on that second video. So that we can focus on the actual insidious racists, and not waste a moment confusing them for the grown adults who simply would appreciate being acknowledged by a man in a furry dinosaur costume. 

And while I respect the Rockies reaction, because taking a matter like this seriously until they're absolutely certain it's not the least bit serious, is the right one, let's have them and MLB not waste any time getting the facts out there before the situation gets worse. Before angry people start doxxing this guileless fan who just wanted his moment with the mascot to make his day at the ballpark complete. 

And, while we're at it, maybe they might consider giving their mascot a name that doesn't sound like a hate crime when it's being shouted across two sections of stands. Just a suggestion. But for now, let's get all the facts out there for public consumption and hope they confirm it's one big nontroversy. That would be great right about now.