You Can't Really Say You Have a Horrible Boss Until You've Had Your Last Check Paid Out in Oily Pennies

Source - A man who was waiting on his final paycheck from his disgruntled ex-employer got quite the surprise when 500 pounds of oil-covered pennies were reportedly dumped in his driveway in the middle of the night.

Andreas Flaten, of Georgia, filed his two-weeks notice in November, but his boss at Walker Luxury Autoworks, Miles Walker, was upset by the development, WGCL-TV reported.

“He froze and stared at me for like a straight minute,” Flaten told the news outlet. “He gets up, puts his hands on his head, walks out the door, and disappears.”

Flaten reportedly left the job due to a toxic work environment but Walker claimed that the $915 that was still owed to him would be delivered in January. ...

Months later, 504 pounds of oily pennies were dumped in his driveway.

Flaten’s girlfriend shared a video ...

When asked about the pennies, Walker told the news outlet that he couldn’t recall if he had dumped the coins.

“He got paid, that’s all that matters,” Walked stated.

Ebenezer Scrooge. Montgomery Burns. Bill Lumbergh. Don Draper. J. Jonah Jameson. Whatever Meryl Streep's name was in "Devil Wears Prada," which I've never seen. Almost since the beginning of the rise of modern capitalism, the Terrible Boss has been one of the great archetypes in the stories we tell. Devious, cunning, controlling, self-possessed, raging narcissists with unchecked egos who run roughshod over their underlings like the tyrants they are. 

And yet no fictional character can hold a flickering candle the monstrous asshole that is this Miles Walker. Even his name is a dead giveaway that there's something twisted about the man. When you're name is "Miles Walker" and you get into the luxury auto sales industry instead of athletic wear, fitness equipment, or camping supplies, then you're really just selling irony. But I digress. 

Here's a lesson for all you kids out there, close to getting out of college or just starting your career. It's a lesson poor, hapless Andreas Flaten learned too late. But it will be embedded permanently into his brain over the countless hours he spends inhaling petroleum stench while he cleans and rolls 91,500 coins. And it is this: If you give your two weeks notice and your boss' reaction is anything other than some version of, "Good for you! Where will you be working?", then leave immediately. 

If they ask what the problem is, bitch about how you're leaving them in the lurch, or try to talk you into sticking around through the holidays or until the end of the quarter or after inventory or anything else? Bail. Grab your shit, head for the door and do not break stride until you're in your car. 

That is not someone who's got your best interest at heart. That is a person whose only concern is squeezing every last ounce of effort they can out of you. And it's not for your own good. Believe me, there is no law saying you owe them two weeks or even two hours. It's only a courtesy. And your new employer doesn't give a tuppenny fuck how it ended with your last job. So head for the hills for your own sake. 

I'm not saying you'll end up with 500 pounds of grimy pennies like guy. Or that you'll spend the next six months filling your gas tank with pillowcases full of coin rolls. Just that this is an extreme case, but reflective of the attitude all Horrible Bosses share. I mean, if you were so valuable that they need to be put out and mortally offended by the fact you're giving your notice, then they should've been paying you a million dollars a day all that time, not $457.50/week. 

I'd be lying if I said that I don't admire Walker's pettiness on some level. It's rare you see someone go to such diabolical lengths over something so small. But fuck all, I can't imagine doing business with Walker Luxury Autoworks. And if I did, I'd have to deliver the down payment on my Benz in oily pennies.

P.S. I bet even Jennifer Aniston's dentist character wouldn't be this vindictive.