In Defense Of Cincinnati
Here I am scrolling Instagram when I come across this, pop on KFC Radio and listen to Feits ask what if heaven is Cincinnati. First off, learn how to spell whoever posted this. Second, what the fuck man? I'm not from Cincinnati, but I'm from Cincinnati - I've been here for over a decade now. I'm not even someone who feels like they have to defend every single thing said about where they live - looking at you Texas, NYC, NJ, Philly and Boston. It's just where you live, no big deal.
There’s plenty good in Cincinnati. Hell in the decade I’ve lived here so much has changed. Sure, it’s easy to fire off shots at Ohio (as you should). But those should be directed towards eastern Ohio (that’s a dump), Ohio State (fuck Ohio State) and I’ll allow Cleveland although Cleveland is an underrated good time.
By no means do I think Cincinnati is heaven, but it's fine. That should actually be the city motto. It's fine. And sure heaven should be delightful. It's heaven we're talking about here. All that's good and the dream place. But to be upset about Cincinnati, you could do worse. You could do way worse. Now, let me defend Cincinnati. If you haven’t visited yet just know you’re missing out. Cincinnati did rank in the top-10 places to visit in 2019. Not my words.
First you're just 30ish minutes away from a Barstool Sportsbook. You can't beat that. It's the best book out there. Win-win.
OTR/Banks
Two spots that you'll find similar to pretty much any other city. OTR has ton of restaurants (shout out Guy Fieri for having his name in some of them). A bunch of bars. Used to be a place you didn’t want to go to, now it’s a 2 hour wait for restaurants. Arcade bars, speakeasies, sports bars, plenty of options down there.
It's cheap as hell
Sure you shouldn't have to pay for anything in heaven. Everything should be free in heaven. But if you have to pay for stuff, you can hardly beat how cheap it is to get a beer in Cincinnati. A bar is a bar in any city. You drink, you listen to music, watch a game and have fun. I'm just doing it for like $3.50 a beer vs $7 in NYC. Of course NYC has more options, but there is plenty in Cincinnati.
Bars
There are plenty of bars, like how I picture heaven. 40+ breweries. Clubs, bars, speakeasies, you name it, that sort of bar exists in Cincinnati. Again, I plan on drinking at bars when I get to heaven. Me, Bill Raftery and St. Peter talking about college hoops enjoying a cocktail or two. Take out Raft and St. Peter and we have that here.
Flyover states catch a lot of heat, I get it. They aren't destination areas and by no means am I calling Cincinnati a destination. I'm strictly saying, it's fine. If this is heaven, I can live with it. There are way worse places I could end up - Knoxville, Durham, Louisville. No thank you. I'm good here.