I'm In Love With This Blind English Dart Team: The Optimists

ENGLAND – Britain’s first blind darts team has been launched – and they already admit to causing damage. The four wholly visually impaired teammates will make their first appearance at the village’s Dolphin Inn on Thursday. Richard Pryor, who lost his sight 40 years ago, said the idea was mooted after a few pints at the pub, where the group of friends, called the Optimists, meet monthly. Mr Pryor, 68, said: “While we were down the pub the other day, Joe, the landlord, mentioned that Rotary had organised for pubs to take part in the a Fast Darts competition. “He asked if we wanted to put in a blind darts team.

At first I thought big whoop. So what if they’re blind throwing darts at a pub? You wanna impress me how about you drive home from the bar. Then the pessimistic KFC part of me left the building and, you know what, good for these cheeky blind bastards. Who are we to tell them not to get hopped up and throwing piercing sharp projectiles in crowded places? They’re genuinely look like they’re having a great time together. Actually, we might have to get Blind Mike to investigate the legitimacy of these blind blokes. White Richard Pryor looks too good to be a blindo. I’ve got 20/20 vision and when I shave once every other week there are patches ahoy. This guy’s got a beard that could’ve been chiseled by Michelangelo. No chance he’s doing that job himself and if he is, rescind the blind card.

These blindos have some chops, but nothing compares to my true calling of being a professional European dart champion:

“It’s highway robbery in alley talley!”

The glitz. The glamour. The girls. These guys have it all. No lie, that legitimately looks like the most fun thing I’ve ever seen. Like I grew up yearning to play under the lights in either baseball or football, but why? Everything any grown man would ever want is right here in the Euro Dart League. Plus you can booze your face off and still be considered in your prime well into senility. Sign me the fuck up, NOW.