I Have Finally Found It: The Most Insane Tweet

Alright, here we go. Y'all want to know why 90 percent of the country hates people who live in New York and California? Look no further than this tweet.

Here we have a "comedian" who seems to be unfamiliar with the concept of any store that is larger than 80 square feet and exists outside the borders of New York City. When I first came across this masterpiece, I read it over three or four times just to make sure I wasn't missing anything. But no, apparently New York is the only place with stores that sell snacks and household items.

Ah, but wait! It was a joke! You're just not smart enough to understand how funny it was!

Oh ok, I see. It was funny because she bought M&Ms! Thank God I had that joke explained to me by a separate New York City comedian or I may have never understood how funny it was!

And oh by the way Alison, I'm just going to go ahead and let you know that gas stations in the South take a massive shit on any bodega you've ever been to. Y'all ever been to a QuikTrip, friends? Because those bad boys have the best drinks — complete with fantastic nugget ice — and slushies you've ever had in your life and a full-service kitchen to boot. I have yet to visit a bodega in my time in New York where I can walk out with a Frozen Coke and a hot pretzel. So checkmate.

This tweet made me ashamed to live in New York. May the Lord ensure I never lose this amount of touch with reality and the good folks around this great nation.