Who Would Dare To Fuck With A Long-Standing Tradition at Norwich University?

It was a few days before Halloween in 1974 and I'd already been at Norwich University for two months when my Master Sergeant and his Cadre (Corporals) assembled the twenty Rooks (freshman) of "E Company" in the hallway on the second floor of Patterson Hall (barracks). It was just before lunch and I wondered what was going on. More physical training (PT)? A surprise room inspection? Or, were we in some kind of trouble?

Master Sergeant O'Donnell got right to it. "As Rooks, you're required to provide Halloween treats for all the Cadre of E Company. We'll be coming to your rooms around six o'clock on Halloween to pick up the treats. Have them ready."

I was relieved. I had guard duty that night, I'd be at the front desk and not in my room… Then, O'Donnell looked right at me and said "Mr. LeVine, just because you have guard duty doesn't mean you're exempt. We'll be coming to see you at the front desk, so have the treats with you." This was serious stuff…

Apparently, freshmen providing Halloween treats for their Cadre is a long-standing tradition at Norwich University, a private military school steeped in long-standing traditions. And, there's a steep price to pay for Rooks who take it upon themselves to fuck with long-standing traditions…

As the all-important day approached, I began thinking about which type of candy I'd buy for my Master Sergeant and his Cadre. But since the actual doorstep request on Halloween is "trick or treat", I had another idea…

After lunch on Halloween day, I circled back to the cafeteria (mess hall) where they provided a late lunch for those who might've missed the first one. It was mostly cold cuts, assorted rolls, and chips. I walked down to the buffet table and made my choices.

I took a fresh sub roll, then stacked some crisp lettuce, sliced tomato, and a few pieces of American cheese on it, wrapped it in tinfoil, put it in a plain brown paper lunch bag, and headed back to my room. Once I got there, I unwrapped the sub and brought it into the bathroom with me, which was at the opposite end of the hall. There was no one else in the bathroom when I went into a stall, put one side of the sub under me, and proceeded to drop a deuce, laying a perfect, unbroken steamer across the entire length of the roll, directly on top of the lettuce and tomato. I covered it with cheese, capped it with the other side of the sub roll, wrapped it back up in the tinfoil, put it in the plain brown paper lunch bag, made a small fold in the top, and headed back to my room.

I was seated at the front desk by the entrance to Patterson Hall on guard duty as required, waiting for O'Donnell and his Cadre to arrive. After they shook down the other 19 Rooks, they marched downstairs looking for me. There were four of them and one Second Lieutenant. O'Donnell did the talking "Okay Mr. LeVine, where are the treats?" I reached under the desk and pulled out the brown paper bag and handed it to him. He asked, "What's this?" I said, "It's an organic treat I know you're gonna enjoy."

He removed the wrapped tinfoil from the paper bag and looked at it suspiciously. I watched as he put the tin foil down on the desk and proceeded to open it, revealing the fresh sub roll and the crisp lettuce, sliced tomato, and pieces of cheese that were hanging out of the sides. He asked me "Any meat?" I responded, "Oh yeah, plenty of meat". He opened the top and there it was, although it had cooled, still a perfect, unbroken steamer! He looked at it, then at me, and after a brief pause he said "Outstanding! Fucking outstanding!" He rolled it up, put it back in the bag, and then him and his Cadre saluted me. Before they left O'Donnell looked right at me and with all the dignity of a great leader he said "Carry on". 

Although I can't be sure, I'd bet good money that O'Donnell re-gifted the sandwich. It's what I would've done…

I dared to fuck with a long-standing tradition at Norwich University, made 'em a shit sandwich, and they loved it!

Here's the drunk version: