Birds High on Opioids Prove That Drugs (Probably) Make Music Better

Introducing the next headliners of CooChella, Birdaroo, and Flockapalooza -- B.Y.R.D.  

That's right...The latest hit sensation in Jazz music is two birds, high as fuck, whistling the sweet, sweet sounds of Louis and Miles; and their records are flying off the shelves.  

For some fucked up reason, nerds at the University of Wisconsin decided to start dosing these gnarly looking birds with a small helping of Fentanyl to study their reaction.  To their surprise, the birds didn't die instantly, so it was time to find something to do with them.  Using the hypothesis that other than for mating purposes, birds sing for personal pleasure as well, University Biologists thought maybe... just maybe, these high ass birds would do the same.  

And they did! 

The flock of European Starlings erupted into song, which scientists said sounded like Jazz. 

Now, to me, Jazz has always sounded like a series of off-beat and out of tune notes and sounds played in a manic fashion, yet somehow still producing some of the smoothest sounds these two ears have ever heard.

 But, that got me thinking…why Jazz?  

So I looked up the definition of Jazz and it pretty much reads as I described: "…a type of music … characterized by improvisation, syncopation, and usually a regular or forceful rhythm, emerging at the beginning of the 20th century."

It wasn't until I looked up the definition of "Synocaption" that I realized, I just cracked this case wide open.

Syncopation: Syncopation is a musical term meaning a variety of rhythms played together to make a piece of music, making part or all of a tune or piece of music OFF-BEAT.

They're not singing … They're just high as FUCK moaning like a bunch of junkies in the back of an abandoned Civic.  This isn't a breakthrough, it's a cry for help! 

To get the results, these monsters at the University of Wisconsin designated one room for singing and one room for silence using certain decorations.  The birds were given the option to go from room to room freely, and abided by the rules.  Once dosed with Fentynal however, all bets were off and the birds "sang" their little hearts out proving that drugs and music go hand in hand. 

“Here we’ve shown that opioids cause singing behavior,” - One of the enablers said.

There's no telling what sort of macro benefit this has to society, but the nerds were sure to add that this experiment isn't reserved for just birds… so look out! 

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