In The Least Surprising News Of All Time, Some Old Person Drove Their Car Through The Apple Store On Halsted, North And Clybourn

What it used to look like

(Source) An elderly person drove a Lincoln Town Car into the Lincoln Park Apple store this evening leaving one person with minor injures, officials said. Fire Department paramedics were called to the store at 801 W. North Ave. at about 6:30 p.m. this evening, said Chicago Fire Department Spokesman Joseph Roccasalva. Chicago police were on the scene and investigating the crash, said Chicago News Affairs Officer Joshua Purkiss. The driver was described as elderly, he said. The dark-colored sedan drove through the glass walls and made it about four or five feet inside, where it seemed to turn and rested near display cases holding headphones and other accessories, according to witnesses.

There were shards of glass strewn on the ground from the impact, according to witnesses. Initially people refused treatment in the incident but paramedics were later called back to the scene and took an injured person to Advocate Illinois Masonic Hospital in good condition, said Roccasalva. A store employee refused to comment and referred calls from the media to a media representative who did not immediately return calls.

On the outside this is one of those stories that you see and are like oh shit, how’d that happen? How the fuck did some old person drive through an Apple Store?

But if you live in Chicago, and know this store you know this is the least surprising story of all time. Why? Oh I don’t know, maybe because Apple in their infinite wisdom and constant need to be “cool” and “edgy” decided to build a GLASS house literally 5 feet away from one of the busiest intersections in Chicago. This would be like handing an alcoholic a beer and then being shocked when he ended up blacked out in a gutter. Or letting a bull loose in a China shop and being pissed when everything broke. The sun is going to rise, it will snow this winter and some old person was going to smash their Lincoln into the Apple Store on North and Clybourn The only way to avoid this from happening was to 1) Don’t build a glass store next to a busy intersection or 2) Ban old people from life. 2 is unfortunately out of the question and Apple decided to fore-go 1 so this was nothing if not inevitable.

PS
Initially people refused treatment in the incident but paramedics were later called back to the scene and took an injured person to Advocate Illinois Masonic Hospital in good condition, said Roccasalva.

Hardoooo.