This Girl Is Coming In Hot With The Creepiest Yet Most Honest Tinder Bio You'll Ever Read
How do you stand out on Tinder? Great photos, sure. A witty bio, yes, good for matches and for getting screenshotted onto the weekly Tinder blog. But going hard directly or indirectly at the pedo marketplace? Real far out there move but I love the logic behind it. Attention plus a surefire way to get some future trips to the beaches of Thailand, classic win-win scenario. The only thing is that if you’re going to have a bio like this, even as a joke, you might as well go all in. I’m talking pigtails, Sailor Moon outfit and oversized lollipop, big time Chris Hansen bait looks. If we’re getting weird, let’s get REAL weird you know? No half measures.
And so begins our journey into the abyss of Tinder. Every week I get more and more sent my way from you guys so thank you for thinking of me and Barstool while trying to get your dick wet. As always, tweet me or DM me your screenshots for a shot to make the blog/my job slightly easier. And away we go!
Reminder: We waste no time here in the Tinder Roundup (via @JoeTroc)
The phrase “wifey material” gets thrown around a lot but this is the embodiment of it. The part I love is this isn’t even some clever joke, she’s just about that football, chili and dick sucking life. Hopefully she brushes her teeth after the chili though, spice in the pee hole seems pretty danger zone (via @jrob_16)
Yo if your face looks like that and you’re still boring, that’s on you (via @J_Ferg8)
I hope Arrow here’s got a hankering for some peanut butter (@kev_mosier)
I don’t think she’s speaking for everyone in the photo with the “No regrets” (via @PFF_Joey)
#teamtryhard (via @rambohambro)
I like this girl’s version of the Tinder Games because there’s a way better prize at the end. Must be awkward as hell waiting for her to finish that burrito bowl tho (via @AyyCow)
When I’ve previously said guys should use emojis because they’re the language of women, this is not exactly what I meant (via @Sdeiner2)
Note to ladies: when trying to look sexy in your yoga pants, avoid making your knee look like a massive and intimidating throbbing erection (via @jshears32)
Hey if Jesus is going to be a polygamist with all those brides of Christ then Sister Dawn can get hers too (via @TommyPickles777)
Somewhere, White Sox Dave is smiling (via @GabeRamos19)
Nice to see Feits’ lookalike is out there setting the bar low on behalf of both of them (via @cait_ohalloran)
Even this chick’s Sharpie eyebrows seem alarmed at how aggressive this bio is (via @micahege)
Well that’s settled then, glad we didn’t have to go through the effort of talking to figure it out (via Staples)
Pegging, so hot right now, pegging (via @BSElOsoBlanco)
Midgets quoting William Shakespeare on Tinder is a Mad Lib I never expected to come across. But you ma’am are no Karina Lemos (via @Jordan710_)
And onto the hot and maybe a bit NSFW ones:
Nothing says #TeamVirgin like anal and autoerotic asphyxiation, page 1 of the #TeamVirgin handbook (via @DonJulioBaby_)
(via @SeanCornholio)
If I see a hot Russian with a gun you’re goddamn right I’m swiping right on behalf of America and democracy (via @Findmeinthejohn)
(via @FactsMarin who must be real fucking #blessed to get this in his moments)
Kissing after a rimjob, a much more ladylike version of ATM (via @realrickjamez)
Does this award come with a plaque or just some dude named Geno apologizing profusely and never calling again? (via @Nick_wood5)
Better Know An Absurdly Hot Menopausal Camel Toe (via @moscabrochill)
God bless 18 year olds and their complete lack of foresight and shame (via Robert)
(via @steveverola)
(via @D_bro1389)
Don’t even need to see the face/confirm that she actually has a face here tbh
If there’s a classier Tinder profile look than a clip-art star over the vag, I haven’t seen it (via @barstoolcarl’s friend)
Listen I’m not going to say I think this chick’s hot but she’s in Baltimore, they need some healing, and who are we to look the wet t-shirt nips gift horse in the mouth? (via Brian)
And this week’s cherry on top comes from Terence and features a sweet girl just looking for a cuddle buddy for some Netflix. Hell of a sales pitch. Thanks again to everyone who’s been sending these in, keep ‘em coming to me on Twitter, and happy swiping!