The Winnipeg Jets Losing That Game Last Night Is Further Proof That God Hates Canada
After 19 long years, playoff hockey finally returned to Peg City and holy balls did the Jets Nation come out in full force last night. The atmosphere was out of this world and I’ve never seen a more beautiful whiteout (pretty racist, Winnipeg) in my life.
If you didn’t get a chance to see the game last night, you missed out on a wild 5-4 overtime game that saw 5 goals scored in the 2nd period alone. It was one of the most exciting games of the playoffs so far, but unfortunately for the Jets and Jets fans everywhere, the return of playoff hockey in their city did not end with a W. And I guess that just means that God hates Canada. This is the first time in forever that 5 Canadian teams have made the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Do you think it’s a coincidence that 2 of the series (Ott v. Mtl and Van v. Cal) will see at least one Canadian team get bounced? Hell no. That shit was done on purpose to make sure Canada has an uphill battle to bring the Cup back to the “True North” for the first time since 1993. I’m not really up to date on my Bible knowledge so I don’t know if there’s a chapter in there or not that details what exactly Canada did to piss off God, but I know for a fact that he hates those syrup-guzzling, moose-riding, way-too-polite dinguses. Maybe it’s Bieber’s fault? He was born in ’94 so it’s been since his birth that the Cup has stayed in America. Either way, the scene in Winnipeg was wild last night and I’m pretty heartbroken they weren’t able to pull out of there with a win. Here’s how bonkers MTS Centre went after Lee Stempniak scored the first playoff goal in Winnipeg since ’96.
The fans in Winnipeg (who are well known for their chants to begin with) also had themselves a day with Corey Perry.
Corey Katy Perry
Obviously this is something that was going to set Hockey Twitter off. “I can’t believe it’s 2015 and we’re still using a woman’s name as an insult to men. What a bunch of misogynistic assholes in Winnipeg. #KillAllMen2015, etc. etc.” Hey, listen up you assholes. You’re all the misogynistic ones for just blindly assuming that chanting Katy Perry at Corey Perry was meant to be insulting toward women. How do you know they weren’t calling him Katy Perry just because she most likely sucks at hockey and can’t skate? Or maybe they are applauding Corey Perry for his voice of an angel? Idk. I hate the world. And speaking of Corey Perry, this happened last night after he scored to give Anaheim their first lead of the game.
Corey Perry is an asshole. No doubt about it. And I would love to see Dustin Byfuglien decapitate the guy during live-play. Hell, I wouldn’t even mind seeing it happen after a random whistle for like an offsides or some bullshit. But to take a guy out right after you get roasted for a goal because you can’t play positional defense is super scummy.
Crazy game last night, crazy atmosphere, and hopefully the Jets don’t get swept because having to wait at least a-whole-nother year for the Jets to win a playoff game at home might set Peg City ablaze. Can’t wait to see what Detroit looks like tonight as playoff hockey finally returns back to the Joe for the first time since last year for the 24th consecutive year.