Riddick Bowe Will Tweet Anything For You As Long As You Give Him Twenty Dollars

I don’t know why more celebrities don’t do this? Riddick Bowe will probably make 10 million dollars today tweeting shit for people. There are countless reasons to have a heavyweight champ speak for you. The only reason I haven’t already dumped $10,000 dollars into this is because I forgot my PayPal password like 10 years ago and haven’t been able to get into my account since then (did you believe that? Actually it’s because I’m poor).  If you’re late for work, if your wife is mad at you, if your friends are being assholes… just throw Riddick a 20 and he’ll take care of it for you. He’s now your friend who hit puberty first and steps in for every fight at recess and sends everyone running. You want to fuck with me? OK, here’s my friend Riddick. Talk to him.

PS – In all seriousness there’s nothing sadder than an old boxer. Everyone gets a hobby in retirement but basically every boxer’s hobby is being crazy.