YA GOTTA BELIEVE! A-Rod + JLo Reportedly Have A Billionaire Backer And It's BODYARMOR Co-Founder/Big Brain Cohost Mike Repole
MOOD:
Holyyyyyyyyyy shitttttttttttttttt. I know I have been on the record about Uncle Stevie Cohen being our preferred Lord and savior and all that good stuff. But I didn't realize big brain, big wallet, big stud Mikey Repole was going to get into the mix. As much fun as having A-Rod and JLo act as the real life supersexy Mr. and Mrs. Met would be, I was always concerned about where all the the dollars came from to make their bid make sense. But I think it's safe to say that I feel comfortable with a lifelong Mets fan who knows all the pain we have gone through over the years that has turned TWO drink companies (Repole cofounded and sold Vitamin Water for a cool $4.1 billion) into absolute titans of the industry and just so happens to not only believe in Barstool Sports.
If Repole wanted to buy the Mets, would he think about looping in an old horse buying buddy of his that just so happens to be the voice of the hottest sports media brand, has spent quarantine taking down Wall Street suits by the dozens, and is Maize & Blue buddies with Jeff Wilpon, who could torpedo any sale?
Wait, what was that?
Suddenly the dream of having Portnoy's dark magic helping my team is a possibility. The chances of Big Cat becoming the Mets Head of PR and Spinzoning just got a massive boost too since Dan could be working for both of his bosses in Flushing. Get Strawberry Banana Cat to Citi Field ASAP, Manfred!
I honestly can't believe this all can potentially happen while at the same time feeling like this was always written in the stars with Barstool landing on the moon. Ho-ly shit. Frank The Tank may have actually pitched the Sports Ecyclopedia to the next owner of the Mets.
I know never to get my hopes up as a Mets fan. But I also know never to bet against anything that can benefit Dave Portnoy. Or Mike Repole for that matter because I saw he became Chairman Of The Board for Pirate's Booty back in 2009, helped grow the company 300%, and helped sell the brand for almost $200 million. He's almost like the complete opposite of the Wilpons, who can't turn a profit in a baseball obsessed city in the biggest market in the country in Major League fucking Baseball.
A-Rod, JLo, Repole, Portnoy. What a fucking world.
As for KFC's official statement of having his favorite team owned by his least favorite coworker, I think it's safe to say he would be more than fine with riding Portnoy's coattails to a parade in the Canyon of Heroes.
Please God, lets have some more news break and get an emergency We Gotta Believe out. I almost forgot how much I hate Major League Baseball for fucking us fans during a pandemic where millions of people have lost their jobs.