Proven Fact: Girls Don't Want To Date Men With Cats

Women are less likely to swipe right on male dating app users if they are pictured holding a cat, new research has found.

According to a study carried out by scientists at Colorado State University, men who are pictured holding cats in their dating app profile photos are perceived as being “less masculine”, “higher in neuroticism” and “less dateable”.

To be fair, these men don't care. They have their cats. They get all the......cat.....they need.

I had to, folks. I had to! But in all honesty, I didn't need the scientists at Colorado State University to conduct a study to tell me this news. I'd rather them all be working 24/7 on how to get a vaccine for coronavirus and get sports back in my life while I sit here and complain about it. This is like them conducting a study to tell me that the sky is blue or that the grass is green. Uhhhh, no duh? Girls don't want crazy cat guys. Girls want PUPPIES. 

It's a tale as old as time. Having a puppy increases your chances by 100000% of a girl coming to talk to you, which increases your chance of getting a date by like, I don't like 5%. Basic math. So is this study really what our tax dollars are being put towards? Common sense facts? Next thing you know, Colorado State University is going to conduct a study to let me know that girls are also attracted to muscles. Or money. Or nice cars. Who teaches this course, Captain Obvious?

And this isn't to knock guys with cats or anything. Different strokes for different folks. But if you're looking to pick up girls, it's just a fact of life. Dogs > Cats. You can like cats all you want, but leave them out of the feature picture on your dating profile. People that like cats that much are weirdos, and dogs are the cutest and coolest pet out there, no discussion. The street runs both ways, too. Do guys want to date a girl that features their cat in their Bumble profile? Hell no. That's an immediate red flag for future crazy cat lady. But a girl with a golden retriever at the age of 1 in her picture? That gives her a +2 rating immediately…and seeing as most men swipe right on what they consider to be 2's and above…..I think you get the picture.