Florida Man With Plans To Kill A Bunch Of Federal Agents Before the Impending Apocalypse Surrendered in Exchange For Cheeseburgers and Fries

 

Raw Story – The two-day manhunt for a Florida man ended Wednesday morning at the FBI office in Tampa, when 55-year-old “doomsday prepper” Martin Winters surrendered to authorities. According to the Tampa Bay Times, a wet, footsore and weary Winters gave up his freedom for the promise of some dry shoes, Gatorade, a couple of cheeseburgers and some French fries. Winters is the head of a group known as the River Otter Preppers, survivalists who believe in hoarding weapons and supplies ahead of an apocalyptic event foretold in the Christian Bible’s final book, the Book of Revelations. An undercover FBI agent infiltrated the group and spent months building a case against Winters, who the agent said was planning a bloody, heavily-armed “last stand” against law enforcement officials. “We’re glad to report that Mr. Winters did the right thing,” FBI spokesman David Couvertier told reporters. “We were hoping for a peaceful resolution, and today we got that.” A federal grand jury handed down an indictment two weeks ago naming Winters and five others on charges of designing and building destructive devices without a permit and other charges. Winters invoked his right to remain silent on Wednesday when he appeared before Magistrate Judge Thomas Wilson.
 

Fast food taketh, and food food giveth awayeth.

First, there was this guy who broke out of jail 6 days before the end of his sentence to eat at Jack in the Box.

Then there was the teacher who held his students up with a knife and demanded they take him to get fast food.

And now this poor sap. Every man has a price, and his price was delicious cheeseburgers and nice french fries. Can’t really blame him either. Giving up his life dreams all in the name of fast food. The good news though is his dreams were to kill a zillion people, so looks like fast food is the hero here. I’d say more times than not, fast food comes through in the clutch. Don’t know what to do one lazy afternoon? Go get a milkshake. Drunk as balls at 3am? ZBurger is open til 4. Need to catch a terrorist who wants to kill the entire FBI? Offer some 5 Guys. It’s really that easy. Fast food isn’t the hero we deserve, but it sure as fuck is the one we need. Fast food for Nobel Peace Prize!