The Best Hate From Patriots Fans Last Night

KFC 2/2/2015 2:30 PM

I went through 775 tweets. That took me back to like 11:30pm last night. Thats where twitter stopped letting me continue to go back. So there’s probably 775 more that I missed. But out of the ones I could scroll, these were the most hateful, spiteful, mean spirited tweets of all. As Playa Hater Of The Year, its only right that if I dish it out, I gotta take it too. As a true hater, game recognize game. And as a sports fan, I realize that talking shit and rubbing it in is basically the name of the game. So without further adieu, These were the tweets that cut me the deepest:

The Dead Nationwide Kid is pretty much universally agreed upon as the most depressing thing that has maybe ever aired on TV. He’s fucking dead for Christ’s sake. And the Pats fans of the world I wondering if I’d trade my shitty actual life for his non-existent life.

 

The “I sure hope so!” with an exclamation point and hoping that I end up like Jane from Breaking Bad is hate you cant teach. Thats deep rooted, natural hate.

Literally just wrote a blog about how Pats/Yankees fans are my least favorite creatures on God’s Green Earth and here’s Jake wishing that upon me with my offspring.

Imagine if my wife left me this morning? Good Lord I couldnt even script a scene more depressing than that.

 

I believe the phrase is “Boom Roasted?” Just taking that mathematical hate to the next level.

Hey Bryan thanks man. I appreciate that you realize how hard this is for me and…

 

Carry on then.

RUTHLESS.

This made me laugh but lets not forget that its pretty much well established at this point that everyone thinks I look like Tom Brady so this doesnt work anymore:

 

Fat is up for debate but I aint ugly brotha. I’m ugly on the inside but not on the outside.

Last night when the Seahawks threw that interception I sat in silence of a good 5 minutes with my head down. I walked home in the snow for about a mile and a half. The entire time as I trudged through the slush and got soaked by snow flakes, that son of a bitch Patrick McGillicuddy was on my brain. No lie, at 13 year old boy tortured my mind for a solid 30 minutes last night. Kid owns so much real estate in my brain its sickening.

Just a one word fatality if you want to break it down to the basics. Loser. Truth hurts.

Atrocious Portnoy spelling not withstanding, Pres rubbing the Empire State Building in my face was atrocious. My own city celebrating right along side New England. Fuck that building.

 

Particularly hurtful because its true. This is my life. This is my existence. Every day, every season, every year, its the same. I lose. They win. Wash rinse repeat.

Well thanks for putting things in perspective Rafiki

Maybe the meanest thing you can say to a guy like me. I spend my entire life focused on whether or not the Yankees and Pats are losing because my teams are rarely in it and here comes Brian fucking Finnerty – probably McGillicuddy’s cousin – reminding me that me and my teams dont impact his life in any way shape or form.

The cruelest twist of fate life has ever thrown my way is Dave Portnoy and his band of Idiots celebrating a Patriots Super Bowl with Darrelle Revis. Thats like a nightmare ending to an episode of the Twilight Zone for your boy KFC. These guys tweeting this at me was the lowest of low blows. I actually thought to myself if the tables were turned would I do this. And the answer is of course because I hate these cocksuckers. But I’d actually think about it for a second. I’d think to myself like “Is this really necessary?” “Cant I just enjoy this win without tearing others down?” With Portnoy/Sales Guy/Hank I wouldnt hesitate but with other people I think I’d genuinely be like “Thats too far.”

And the number 1 most spiteful, hateful, mean tweet I received in regards to the Patriots winning the Super Bowl…

 

Big Squeeze you are one vindictive, heartless, evil son of a bitch. Its not enough that the Patriots won their 4th Super Bowl. Its not enough that its Boston’s 90th title in the past decade. But now on top of it you want my dog to run away? You want Duncan to go live in New England? Thats what will make today be the best day of your life? Congratulations, as one bitter, jaded, spiteful person to another, you truly are Hater of the Year.

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