Does This Look Like The Face of a Florida Man Who Got Naked and Napped on Doggy Beds in a CVS Bathroom

SOURCE – A Florida man was arrested after pushing three doggy beds together to take a nap in the bathroom of a pharmacy in Lutz. Jeremiah Patterson walked into the men’s room at the CVS Pharmacy, before reportedly stripping naked, a police report by the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office alleged. Patterson then walked to the pet aisle, where he sorted through six dog beds. According to the New York Daily News Patterson selected three beds which he then took back to the bathroom where he arranged them on the floor to make a bed. The 22-year-old then took a nap, only to be awoken by police. He was charged with theft, burglary and indecent exposure, the sheriff’s office said. 

Jeremiah was soooo close here. He just got a couple of steps mixed up. He went get naked, get doggy beds, bring doggy beds to the CVS bathroom and then nap. What he needed to do was get doggy beds, bring doggy beds to the CVS bathroom and then get naked and nap. Crucial error but I get where he’s coming from. He’s in a bad enough way to have to nap in a CVS bathroom so he’s probably a little tired, a little disoriented, a little high on meth. We’ve all made little mistakes under similar circumstances, and most of us weren’t being taunted with the allure of some cool drug store air conditioning tickling our taints in the humid panhandle heat.

I mean, let’s not pretend that he’s some big, bad criminal just because whoever else was in the pet aisle got an eyeful of dong. It’s 2014: we’ve all seen our fair share of male genitalia whether it’s in the gym locker room, getting shoved inside Mia Khalifa on PornHub, or attached to the best quarterback of all time’s toddler. Jeremiah just wanted to treat himself a little bit by grabbing some luxurious tempurpedic dog beds and sleeping in the nude in his local pharmacy’s bathroom (this is the Florida equivalent of booking a hotel in your own city just to relax for a weekend), and he made a simple mistake. Can’t lock a guy up for that.

PS: I hope the cops just hung out until he woke up on his own. If they woke him up while he was just trying to catch a midday nap they’re the real criminals #ICantZzzs