Chris Christie's Brother Goes Off On The Haters Giving Chris Hell For Liking The Cowboys

Chris Christie fanhood-gate is one of my favorite stories out right now. The fact that what football team a man roots for could (and should) have a serious effect on who the president of the United States is in 2016 is incredible. Just imagine all the founding fathers drafting up the qualifications for president hundreds of years ago: have to be born in America? Agreed. Must be at least 35 years old? Agreed. Must root for your hometown football team? ABSOLUTELY! No one even talks about Bridgeghazi and his abuse of power, they just care that his fatass is out there hobnobbing with Jerry and the boys. It’s perfect 2015 America.

But don’t take any of that as me disagreeing with the sentiment. I’m 100% on board. If you root for a team that isn’t from where you grew up then you better have a damn good reason. Something like your dad was a pro who played in Jacksonville but wanted to move anywhere else in the world once he retired. If you don’t have an excuse like that, then I can’t trust you as a human being. Clearly, the Christies don’t as one brother is a Giants fan. Clearly, I can’t vote for Chris Christie. You calorically challenged asshole.