Thank God We're Quaratined During The Start Of Jizz Tree Season
Botanists know this tree as the pyrus calleryana. Other pretentious dickheads would refer to it as the callery pear tree. The other 99% of the world simply knows this tree as the waft of male ejaculate that punches you in the face when you walk outside in the beginning of spring. And honestly...it's one of the greatest pranks that god ever pulled off (if you're someone who believes in god. I'm neither here nor there but it's funny as shit to think about this dude up in the sky laughing his ass off as people finally get the chance to spend time outside as the weather warms up but at the same time, they have to smell cum in the air the entire time. Just a perfectly constructed prank right there).
Over the last few days, I've been trying to think about when the best time for this quarantine to happen would have been. For sure not the fall because that's the best time to be outside and it's football season. For sure not the summer because you're not taking the Jersey shore out of my life. And for a while, I figured the only answer would be the winter. It would make sense to stay inside when the weather sucks and it's too cold to do anything else anyway. I feel like we could have easily got everyone to just shut it down for a few weeks in the winter and let the virus fizzle out. But anytime in life there's an answer which seems that simple and obvious, it usually doesn't end up being right. And the more I think about it, the more getting quaratined in winter would suck. Because imagine if we were trapped inside all of January/February and then as soon as we were allowed to go back out, BOOM, it's jizz tree season.
You’re outside trying to enjoy the first day of freedom and you've got beautiful weather, but you can’t even fully enjoy it because it smells as if somebody just dumped a load right under your nose. And there’s no mistaking it either. You walk outside and you know right away, “yep, that’s cum”. And not only does it smell like cum, but it’s an exorbitant amount of cum. It would be like if an entire city decided to ejaculate outside at the same damn time. It would be like getting released from prison but then finding out you can only live in Cleveland. What would be the point? Send me back to prison.
So when all things are considered, maybe this is actually the best time for this to happen. I know that from the sports aspect it fucks up everything, but at least we get to miss the majority of jizz tree season. And by the time everything opens back up again, the weather will be even better and the whole city won't smell like cum. Guess I'm just a glass half full kinda guy.