#ThoughtsAndPrayers for Kim Jong-Un In His Battle With Swiss Cheese Addiction

SOURCE – Kim Jong-un is putting his health at serious risk due to his dangerously high consumption of Emmental cheese. The 31-year-old North Korean leader got a taste for the cheese while a student in Switzerland – and is understood to love it so much that he imports vast quantities despite Western sanctions. A unhealthy appetite for Emmental, also known as Swiss cheese, is believed to be a key factor in Kim’s weight ballooning so in recent months that he now walks with a limp. Kim Jong-un’s unhealthy obsession with Emmental has led to him importing vast quantities of the cheese for his own consumption. Despite the suffering of his 25 million citizens, Kim continues to gorge on Swiss cheese in such vast quantities that he is waistline is expanding at a dangerously rapid rate.

I sure hope we don’t lose Kim Jong-One too soon because of his battle with Swiss cheese addiction. I’ve always enjoyed having Kim around for a little comic relief: his hair, his hissy fit because Seth Rogen and James Franco were mean to him, now a cheese obsession that’s threatening his life at the age of 31. It’s all good fun, but it also raises the question of how much cheese it takes to do that. And the obvious follow up of how painful it is for KJU to shit. Aren’t Asians bad at processing dairy in the first place (I could be making that up but that would be a weird thing for me to be accidentally racist about)? You gotta figure a man of his size eating that much cheese with his racial background is screaming on the pot no less than a couple hours a day before he drops a couple pillars so hard they’d make the Parthenon jealous. Addiction is such an ugly disease.

When you develop a Charlie Kelly level hunger for cheese with the resources of a squat, Asian dictator like Ki-Jo there are bound to be some issues, though. Obesity and poop troubles are nothing new. What is new is a cheese-related limp. Never heard of that one before, but I absolutely love it. Everybody else in North Korea’s life is basically just a slow march to starvation, and Kimmy is so cheesed up that he physically can’t lift his foot off the ground to walk anymore. Big time Supreme Leader power move.